Friday, 21 December 2012

Sex- Waiting or Doing?

Soo, I was reading this blog and it was basically asking if you'll wait till your wedding night to have sex with your fiancee/fiance who isn't a virgin.
The comments were interesting to say the least.

I was then thinking, for those who are religious, in both the Quran and the Bible, sex before marriage is a no-no. It has always been that way except those that did their thing on the down low...
Now,  everything is about sex. It's everywhere. It's on tv, internet, magazines, on the train, bus, walking. It's literally IN YOUR FACE.
A lot of people don't believe sex is restricted to marriage anymore. It's an old-fashioned thing that has faded out/fading out and God understands that in the 21st century, He can't hold us down to laws of the Bible days. Others say you have to try it out first before marriage so you both know if you're sexually compatible because sex is a biggie in marriage. If the sex ain't right, then it will mess up the marriage or something along that line.
 Also, people are waiting till they're older i.e. 30s and 40s to get married unlike in previous years when people got married in their late teens/early twenties. How many people are going to wait till they're 30 to have sex?

So I'm left wondering, is God/Allah really not going to judge us on fornicating? Will He judge those in the 20th century for fornicating and not those afterwards?
Does the standard of the Bible/Quran change for different generations? Maybe I missed the memo when it did.

1 Corinthians 7:2 clearly states,
'Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.'

In the Quran, Allah says in the Quran 17:32,
'Do not even go near zina (fornication) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way.'

I grew up in the Church knowing that sex is wonderful and great and for everyone. It was created by God for our pleasure BUT only withing the boundaries of marriage. It's supposed to be between a man and his wife pere. No more no less. Now, it's like everyone does it, kids at 10, 11, 12 have been going at it for years, it's nothing serious or sacred.

I was watching a medical reality show on TV last month. It was about a sexual clinic in North England and some of its patients.
One of the teenagers in the show had slept with about 80 other guys within 3 months. I kid you not. I actually had to rewind and record o.
Like 80 flipping partners in 3 months. 30 days on average in a month. Dude had slept with different people for 80 days. It could have been 3 or 4 a day. Who knows?
The reason why we knew about how many partners he had slept with was because dude had contracted a couple of STDs and what nots. He had to remember or try to remember how many people he had slept with and then give in their contact details so that they would be given the opportunity to come in for tests and medication.
I can't judge anyone, but that's plain NASTY.

One of the sexual health nurses made a comment that sex today for young people is now a form of entertainment that they indulge in.
I think the state of moral decline in the world is very sad and disheartening. I personally believe sex is reserved for marriage. It should be a relationship builder. God said it's a sin in the Bible/Quran. Sin leads to hell. I am not condemning anyone o, but there are no buts or whatifs with God. It's not easy, I'll be honest. It gets really difficult especially if you're dating a FINE BOY and there's so much chemistry zapping around between you too and you just want to say 'sod it' lets get this thing done...

A couple of people I have spoken to that have been honest have said that they know what they're doing is wrong, and it's a sin, but oh well! It is what it is. I would rather someone is honest and says that rather than as my mum says give me dirty excuses to cover up.

Then again, who am I to say that their excuses are dirty? Am I God? I should sort out my anger and unforgiveness before telling people they are going to hell for having sex before marriage.
If they're going to hell, they might as well enjoy the walk to hell. *I CAN'T BELIEVE I SAID THAT o-:*

For all the holier than thous out there, just because you don't commit fornication and or adultery doesn't mean that that white lie you told or that 50 pence you 'borrowed' isn't less than a sin. Sin is sin be it murder or lust or hatred... All sin!

PS: Will telling a lie to protect the feelings of others or stopping a huge catastrophe like murder still be a sin? I wish God will be clear cut in those kinda issues.

This is hilarious

Let me know what you honestly think about sex before marriage...

PS: There's a poll at the top of the page. Be honest! :-)

Welcome to Adulthood

I was really upset a few days ago and still am now. Someone really close to me-family member has been upset. She's friends or was friends with this other Nigerian lady at work. She has a contract type of job. She applied to another company and got a semi permanent job working night shifts. Her Nigerian friend, I'll call her R had been complaining of how she needed more shifts and bla bla bla. Family member whom I'll call F then told her to apply where she is working saying she got it as a second job to get more experience and money. F told R what to put in her application form and how to answer the questions at the interview when she was called for interview.
F was happy R got in. Afterall, we're all Nigerians and we should try to look after each other in a foreign country. Ha! I laugh in Yoruba. Not long afterwards like a few weeks later, R tells F that she wants to do the night shifts. F is like, but you know there are only 2 people who are semi permanent doing the night shift and I am one of them. You know the reasons why I do the night shift and bla bla bla. R says, well, I will apply anyway, if I get in, I'll get in and she cuts the phone. F is like WHAT!@! Is it this small girl who I'm trying to help talking to me this way and now trying to take my job like WHATTT! Not long after that, there is an extra shift that someone has put up, F writes her name down for the shift. All is well and good and she is confirmed to work. The night before the shift is to start, R calls her and says 'err, Aunty, office has just called me now to tell me that I'm doing the shift tomorrow o.'
F says, that's impossible because I am the one doing it. I wrote my name down for it about a week ago and I have been confirmed to do it. R says, well, office called me and I was surprised too and was just calling to ask why you cancelled the shift. F said, I did not cancel any shift. F calls office. Office says no one called R. F calls R and tells her office says they didn't call her. R says they are lying. They called her to offer the shift to her. It goes on and on. F gets tired and says, R, take the shift. It's okay. It's just one shift na? You can do it.
F calls me to me. She is shocked. I am bloody pissed off. I tell F that she is too nice. She is still shocked that after introducing and helping R get a job in her company, she is now wanting to take her job away from her. She is wondering why people are so wicked, heartless and mean. She tells me that she will never do that to someone else. I tell her I know that, but people are not like her. People take advantage of the niceness of others. I tell her again of my ex-flatmate when I wasn't living at home. She says it's true, but still, are there not any nice people left again? People that will just be grateful for helping them rather than trying to cause confusion and steal your job right from under your nose and not even care about the consequences to you or how you feel. F is so sad and close to tears. She's spent about an hour plus back and forth, talking to R and office and it has weighed her down. I tell her, next time, do not associate with Nigerians. Say hello and hi, but keep your distance. She tells me one of her friends told her the same thing, but she thought it was silly not to want to help your fellow countrymen especially in difficult times like these, but she has learnt her lesson. In a sad and hurtful way. She feels sad that she has told R a lot about herself and her circumstance. She feels open and vulnerable. I don't blame her and try to tell her to pray. She will not be able to use anything against her. She will not take her job from her. Afterall, God knows she was only trying to make R's life easy when she told her to apply to the company. She was only looking out for her like a younger sister or aunty.

I reflect and I think of my time with my ex-flatmate and my ex-friend and how I was treated whilst living with her and how my ex-friend who started going out with ex-flatmate made me feel. We had been close friends for years and suddenly, I was the annoying person. I had no problem with them going out because frankly I thought it was time ex-flatmate got with someone and settled down. Afterall, she was like my big sister and she wasn't getting any younger. But then, I still can't get my head around how people change and become the devil personified. I am still trying to let go and stop been angry. I told my mum and a mutual friend of ex-friend and I and he was SHOCKED TO the D. He said it made sense at how funny ex-friend had been acting towards him. I dunno. I don't care anymore. I lie. It hurts that people throw away friendships. I tend to be very loyal. Loyal to a fault. I don't have lots of friends because I am very picky. Those that I'm friends with, I hold dear and tight. I might not be the best in expressing how much I love and care for them, but they know in my own way, I do and I try to show them. The shocker I got in learning that not everyone held their friends close was an eye-opener. It sort of welcomed me to adulthood. I had gone through something similar in primary and high school in Nigeria, but then I classed them as childish things.

From then, I moved back home, and I have been pretty much a loner. I have always been a loner, but I am now a LONER. My close friends live in other cities and most of them are older. They are getting married and some have moved back to Nigeria after their Masters here. I guess I'm going to have to find new friends, but I don't know how to and I am too suspicious. *shrugs*

I now understand Jeremiah 17:9 ' The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?' People are EVIL. People are WICKED. Sometimes, we go out in ignorance and naivety expecting everyone to be as caring, nice and thoughtful as we are, but people don't care.

My stance now is I consider you evil and wicked and hold you at arms length till you prove otherwise. I sometimes forget though and every once in a while, someone does something that makes me take a step back and shed a tear, but I try to move on.
I told F not to worry, she has other good friends. She should let R go. She just has to pray harder. F is older, but has been blessed with amazing friends. So I understand how let down she felt. I am wayyyy younger, and the year I became a 'proper adult' I learnt how the world runs the hard way.

I just wish we all treated everyone nicely and stop been mean. It's hard-work trying to figure out if someone can be trusted or not. I used to be someone who tried to see the positive in everyone. I hated putting people down or judging them based on gossip. I used to tell my close friend not to be mean to people like that, but the older I get, the more jaded I become. I understand why she is mean to people sometimes. It's sad. I don't want to end up as a mistrustful and jacked up crazy and jaded spinster. It's easy to become that way, but I am going to try very very hard not to. I'll pray too.
 I was speaking to close close friend who just got engaged. I told her I was happy for her, but she's jokingly said, she's sorta leaving me. She said I should pray and ask God for good single friends who are my age lol. I have wayy too many older friends and it's good, but not too good. I smiled, but I wonder if God actually cares about little things like that when there are bigger issues others have to face like famine, wars, cancer, barreness etc. *shrugs* I hope He does listen though. It gets a tad bit lonely in this city without friends even with family here. If I do get friends, I don't want fake ones o because...

Oh well.

I wonder if the world was supposed to end at the beginning of 21/12/12 or it will be at the end.

UPDATE: I just saw this and how true is it...

Sunday, 16 December 2012

If only

I have been somewhat in a daze for the last week. Life seems surreal and I feel like I'm sitting in a corner with God watching, with our hands on our chins events unfold in my life and on this planet I call earth.

I have cried, I have been shocked to the core. I have wondered what went wrong with me and what went wrong with us- human beings.
Okay, I guess it all started to go wrong was with Adam and Eve eating that apple.

If only Eve would have known the repercussions of eating that apple, maybe, maybe she would not have gone ahead to eat that darn fruit and there will be no evil on earth.

If only the DJs in Australia had known the repercussions to calling the King Edward VII's hospital, Jacintha Saldanha would still be alive. Her children would still have a mother, her husband will still have a wife.

If only the gunman in Connecticut would have thought about the repercussions of his actions; if only he had stopped been angry for a minute, sat down and not let emotions could his judgement, maybe, just maybe, those children will still be alive. Maybe those teachers will still be alive.

If only the gun culture has not been so glorified, maybe, just maybe that would not have been the only way and instrument with which the gunman would have seen fit to express whatever emotion he had that had filled its cup and was running over.

If only
If only
If only

I walk out when my mum and dad change the tv channel to news. They ask me why and I tell them that I can't stand the bad news. They say, 'yes, it's true but one must stay informed'. 
I ask myself, do I really want to stay informed anymore? What's the point? 
Today, a teenager has been stabbed. Tomorrow, she died from overdose. Next tomorrow, a 5-year old boy was raped. The day after that, a family was gunned down...
When does it stop? How does it stop? Will it stop?

If only I knew what life on earth was going to be, I would have begged God not to send me because I'm finding it hard to take it all in and deal with all the negative life throws at us daily.
I ask God why all this happens as I sit with him in our corner watching events folds. I tell Him it's hard. He tells me to read...
I Corinthians 10:13
'There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.'

I look at Him, my eyes widening in incredulity whilst pointing towards earth and  stutter, you mean that is what will comfort those kids parent's? I shake my head in wonder. I ask God, if He still cares for us anymore? Have we angered Him so much that He has taken His cover off us and has given the devil free reins to do as he pleases?

*Back to earth*
I still have no answers on how to deal with the losses going on around me everyday. Someone says, we shouldn't question God. But I find it hard not to. (Why shouldn't we ask God questions anyway? I ask my daddy questions and God is my big daddy. I should ask. It annoys me when people say that or is there somewhere in the Bible that I didn't read or there was a meeting I missed in which God said we should under any circumstance, never ask Him questions. Somebody please tell me.) I have more questions than answers and daily, the question list grows.

Life has become meaningless now. People take it with so much ease and lack of fear. I guess with more than 7 billion people on earth, they don't think anyone will notice the difference, but the families affected do. Friends do. Acquaintances do.

Sad thing is that in a week or two week's time, everyone forgets. We move on. We forget the families hurting. We forget how angry/sad we were. We forget that we got so mad that we wanted change. Not soon, but NOW.
We get back to the daily grind of life. We go back to wondering what we'll have for supper or if that guy/girl think we are cute. We forget.

I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Can't handle this right now.

PS: Sorry for the disjointed post. I feel that way now to be honest. *shrugs, gets into bed and covers self with duvet*

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Can Anger Boil Water? 12.12.12

In surveying class this morning, dude next to me asked for my rubber and I gave it to him. I needed it and looked in his direction to see if he was still using it and to my horror, yes horror, he was using the other side.I'll explain better with pictures. This is a lovely new rubber. Clean and shiny and all.

Lovely new rubber

This is how I normally use my rubber. I pick a side and continually use it. I don't use the opposite sides.

Top of rubber normally used

This is what the humpty dumpty used.

Bottom of rubber that silly person used today

Anyway, I looked at him in horror  and told him to stop using it because he was still happily rubbing away. He looked at me with this irritating smirk/smile and said in his irritating North accent 'It's only a rubber' I gave him a very dirty look and he knew I was serious. I took it off him. In my head I was like WTF. Did this idiot just tell me that it's only a rubber? If it's only a rubber, why does he not have his? It is only MY rubber and I have a way in which I use it and you should not under any circumstance use it otherwise without asking for my permission at least. Jeez. I wanted to knock his blonde head. Mtscheww.
I love my things being orderly. My family says I'm borderline OCD. I don't care. I use all my things in a certain way, hang my clothes in a certain way with my hangers facing a certain way. I know when people touch my stuff and don't return them or leave them how I left it. I HATE PEOPLE MESSING UP MY THINGS and then not even apologising afterwards. Isi ewu.

Last night, when I got back home, called my phone customer service to sort out my price plan and all the first dude transferred me to some next department. I got off and re-dialled. Next person put me on hold for about 20 minutes. I got fed up and cut.
Rang them up again today, talked and talked and explained. Finally, someone sort of got it. I have been told that I will get back my old price plan and since this month's bill has already been printed, some money will be credited to my account. I made sure the lady made a note of it and sent me a text to confirm it.

Rang e-bay too. I paid for a SGS3 case. I got an iphone case. I was so annoyed when I got it. First of all, I detest anything apple. I am an android chick through and through. Been sent an apple product was insulting lol. Second of all, I had been looking forward to having this stand case and was so excited when it got through the letter box. Do you know how it feels like when you're expecting party jollof rice and stewed chicken and beef at a party, but all you get is a sandwich buffet? I was DISAPPOINTED. Sent a message to the seller, no reply. Sent another one, no reply. Rang e-bay. They said I should wait for 3 days or something. Waited for a week and still no reply.
Rang e-bay up again today and dude I spoke to kept on asking me the same thing or maybe he was trying to put words into my mouth. I told him that I had messaged the seller and had not gotten a reply. See dude asking me, so what did the seller say in his reply. I repeated myself again and said, he did not reply. He said okay. Told me the whole procedure to go through to get back my money. I said okay, I was fine with it as long as I get my money back. Bobo asked me the same questions over again and asked again what reply did the seller said, I shouted at him, 'HE DID NOT REPLY ME'. He was startled lol and said oh, I'm sorry I did not hear you say so before. I was like say what? Anyway, I didn't want to argue much or get an attitude because he's the one who's going to get my money back for me. I just said okay.

Then earlier on in the morning, got a call. It was a Coventry area code number. I was wondering who do I know to call me from Coventry with a land line. I picked up and it was this PPI people. I wanted to break the phone. There was this time I actually had a conversation with them. I think the person was in India. He asked me if I had taken a loan or mortgage and all those shenanigans and I told him no, my daddy is a very rich man (Is God not rich?) Dude asked me, 'are you sure Miss Ani'. I said yes and cut the phone. I don't know how these people get my number though I suspect it's from Vodafone or Phones4U as many people have been complaining about them selling customer's number's out.

I have an interesting day to say the least but I thank God in all for not letting me lose my temper in the true Ani style.
This is a story sort of write-up that made me smile and reflect... Can anger boil water?

I also thank God for enabling me see a special day like today


It's not a day you come across everyday or week or year sef. I probably won't see it again in my lifetime except I live to be 1020+ and the Lord tarries...
Do I really want to live to be 1000? Do you?

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Oversleeping, power of the tongue...


Today was good.
Woke up late. I kept on snoozing my alarm till I actually checked it, saw the time and ran to have a shower. Ran/fast walked to the bus stop. Couldn't run properly because of icy roads. I will rather be late than end up in the hospital with a broken bits.
Thank God for the nice driver who waited. He had a nice smile and gorgeous eyes :-) *I still had time to look at his face. Smh*

I still ended up being 12 minutes late or so. I wasn't too bothered. It was not an important class. Got an e-mail alert from my phone service provider letting me know my bill was ready.
Checked it and it was triple the normal amount. I was mad. I ported my pay as you go number to my contract number in October and since then, everything has being MESSED up with my price plan.
I am fed up and I'm going to let someone have it tomorrow. I can't pay the ridiculous amount I am have being billed. It is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Anyhoo, a few days ago, I was watching the news with my mum and heard about the nurse who is alleged to have committed suicide after a prank call from DJs in Australia. I was gobsmacked. It's just sunk in that the sad deed actually happened.
I don't really know what to say about it. On one hand, I feel sorry for the DJs. They couldn't have predicted the outcome. On the other hand, I wonder why and how they were able to play a prank like that. Did they not realise that this is the UK. The royal family are so loved up and it could have cost someone their job or some sort of disciplinary action being taken up against the staff member? Sadly, the nurse who picked up committed suicide.
Some say she might have had other issues previously and this pushed her over. Others say she was ridiculed and felt she was going to be made a laughingstock (very common here especially with the media. They go on and on about one thing that it makes you want to smack them all) and be fired or something.
I feel sorry for her family.

I have learnt to think well before I play any prank on anyone again. My brother plays a lot of pranks on people and we all laugh about it, but we don't realise the effect it has on those people. I have learnt, albeit through a tragedy that somethings should not be taken too far or even far at all. I don't know what pressures people are facing in their lives and what I do and take as a joke might be what pushes them over.

God forbid my words, lack of words, actions and or lack of actions will be what pushes someone over the edge to death.
The power of life and death is in the tongue.

On a different note, don't you hate it when people ask, pester and bug you wit questions about yourself and when you ask them a question, they evade it and beat around the bush. I have this acquaintance who does it a lot in Church. She's smart and all, but I am beginning to think she does it to fuel her ego. Maybe she doesn't do it on purpose though. It might be a learned habit. Her mum does it a lot. I wonder what they do with all the information. I simply just tell them 'yes', 'no' these days. I am quite reserved and private, so it's like pulling teeth for me to talk. I just get so annoyed when they keep on probing. Why or how does it affect you that I'm home this weekend? Is it your business? Do you want to help you with something that you're so curious?
After the programme on Saturday and a lot of evading questions from acquaintance, on Sunday, I saw her in Church and said 'hello, I really like your Nigerian skirt'. She got all cold on me. I thought to myself, how sad are you. She might have been stand offish for any other reason apart from my attitude towards her asking questions and slightly ignoring her to stop her from asking more questions on Saturday, but as far as I was concerned, I didn't see why she would be so cold, so I assumed that was the reason.
Anyhoo, I frankly don't give a hoot. In a way, I'm glad. One questioning person off my back.

I love what I do now even though it's a bit difficult. I wonder if anyone knows anyone in the construction industry... I want a mentor. How does one go about having a mentor?

I hope everyone is having a nice week.

PS: I'm so happy for Vera from She's engaged now! Yayy. I've been following her blog for some time now. I pray everything works out for good for her and her fiance.

Everyone is getting married/engaged these days. My mum has been talking about me praying and all that. I just give her a blank look. Let me finish school first before we get to that mbok.

Anyway, congratulations to other newly engaged or 'oldly' engaged couples. I pray God perfects everything for you all.

I'll be back. DV. x

Saturday, 8 December 2012

If wishes were horses...

I wish I am more friendlier to people

I wish I trust people more

I wish I know how to go to an event or social gathering and know how relate with people without feeling stupid or weird

I wish I am not so akward with feelings and emotions.

I wish I am more of an extrovert sometimes.

I wish I wasn't so lonely even with people around.

I wish I could get a hug.

I wish I am not so fixated on everything being clean, tidy and perfect. It seems to irritate everyone but me.

I wish I am more of a girly girl and a better sister to my little sister (she's not really little o) (Hmm... better sister to sister) and not so much of a nerd/ recovering tomboy.

I wish I was more of a hugging kind of person.

I wish I knew how to use words to comfort people when they need it.

I wish I can stand up for myself without and not hate confrontations.

I wish I had more friends and not just people who come to me when they need a favour and then forget about me for 2 years (okay, 2 years is exaggerated)

I wish I will stop eating so much to forget about how much I don't like being me sometimes

I wish I will not be treated like a child at home and then expected to act like an adult

I wish people took my ideas and decisions seriously

I wish my family doesn't just push what I want aside and make me do what they think is best for me

I wish I will stop being compared with other people my age. I don't care about them or that my cousin is a mechanical engineer and her sister is a doctor and her other sister is an accountant all under the age of 27.
It makes me bitter. You pushed me to do what I never wanted to do because you listened to others and not me. Now I have decided to take my life and my future back and yes, I have gone a few steps back, but I am happy. You don't see my happiness, but you ignore it. You do not acknowledge what I do now. You just taunt me always with the fact that I am behind my contemporaries. Well I wouldn't be bloody behind if you had let me do what I wanted to to years ago would I?

I wish Nigerian parents wouldn't worry so much about what other people think of them and their children and just listen to their kids instead.

I wish I stop feeling like a failure and a disappointment.

I wish I was done with school and can show them that I didn't turn out so bad.

I wish people at Church will stop asking family stupid questions as to why I'm back home. If you are curious, ask me and stop bloody snooping around. Eediots. (Sorry Lord)

I wish I wasn't the first child (most times).

I wish I don't feel like I'm setting a negative precedent for my younger ones.

I wish I was closer to my extended family. I see other families and how close they all are with their grannies and gramps, cousins, aunts and uncles and I get jealous. Yes, I do.

I wish I stop crying every other night and hurting in the ones in between.

I wish I am more forgiving.

I wish I had a better support system emotionally and spiritually.

I wish I had an elder brother or sister or mentor or godmother/father (I'm accepting applications).

I wish I have that Proverbs 18:24 friend that sticketh closer than a brother friend. Do they even exist?

I wish the close friends that I have will not always talk about themselves when we talk and shut me up indirectly.

I wish I was not boring.

I wish I don't have unlimited calls (sometimes)

I wish I am not the one always calling others.

I wish I was important to someone other than family and I know it.

I wish people whom you classify as friends will still be loyal even when they have a significant other. I thought we were good friends. We had been friends for ages and then you dated 'Christian friend' and changed. In things that I was clearly right on, you made it seem like I was being daft and over reacting and when I told my mum, she said I wasn't and if my mum says I wasn't then I wasn't because she is the queen mother of exaggerations and over reacting.

I wish I never moved in with the 'Christian friend' I did last year. I have become a jaded and distrustful person.

I wish I never told him I had a crush on him and he said he did too, but he wasn't single anymore (not that I want a relationship o) and he'll call me back but never did.

I wish we stayed on as friends and I'm not so cold towards him now. (I don't like when people say they'll do something and never do or give you some sort of explanation or apology. It's rude!)

I wish I never went to that Church with high hopes when I was still in that city. I have become jaded and confused.

I wish I was more appealing

I wish I like morning devotions and it isn't a time where I am castigated about one thing or the other.

I wish I could write or sing or have some sort of creativity in me.

I wish I can find it easy to confide in people without thinking I'll be made to look stupid.

I wish I have a group of friend like in sex and the city. Do friends like that exist? In real life not fantasy?

I wish I haven't just checked my e-mail and seen that for the young adults programme in Church this evening, I am in charge of the feeding. They changed my role without even asking like WTF. Just because I am female doesn't mean I have to be the one in charge of feeding for fffffffff sake. Dammit.

I wish I just didn't send a text to the Pastor's son asking as politely as possible why my role has to be changed on short notice without asking me for any sort of input? I know it's working for the Lord, but I wish men would not just do that.

I wish PS did not just reply now saying he can do if I want, making me feel guilty. I'm just going to ignore the text like I didn't see  it and dammit.

I wish I did not just reply and say 'Didn't say I wasn't going to do it. Just asked why.'

Now I feel stupid for sending the first text asking why. I was just so irritated though. Maybe I shouldn't have. *worried/tired/fed-up face*

 I wish I can find my headphones. I think I lost them whilst walking to the shops last night.

I wish my life was perfect and orderly. I dislike disorderliness.

I wonder if God actually listens to me when I pray in my heart and ask questions.

I wonder what my mum and dad will say if I tell them that I have forgotten how to pray. I am not close to God anymore and I having doubts about everything.

PS: I do really love my family, they just drive me up the wall 60% of 45% of the time.
PSS: I love God, but I wish He'll show/reveal Himself to me like asap because I can't go on on my parent's faith much longer.

If wishes were horses...

This post is too long. I might take it off. I don't know anymore, I don't care.

*Update: I found my headphones kn my coat pocket. I actually checked it oo, but I'm  ot complaining. Wohoo.

Thursday, 6 December 2012

Question 2

So VCFF (Very Close Female Friend) sent me a link to this video...
It made me think of Nigeria as a person and in comparisons to other people (other countries), I realized Nigeria is quite young. I mean, really really young compared with countries like the 236 years old United States of America or Great Britain which some people believe has been around since the 5th century. I'll have to check up for something definite, but you get you get my drift...
It made me wonder if we are doing Nigeria a disfavour by comparing her to other developed and or fast paced developing countries? I mean, all these countries we 'run' to in the West, they once passed through the stage Nigeria is going through now or I lie? If that is the case, does it mean that it will be 30 generations or whatever number of generations down the line DV that will end up seeing a normalized (in every sense of the word) Nigeria? I say this because I'm following the timeline of 'developed' countries, how they started out in the beginning with so much confusion, civil wars, trying to find their identity and whatnots in their 'youth' and how the older they got, the better they got...
Does that mean that when these 'developed' countries are like 500 years old, Nigeria will just be getting to where they are now or...?

Then again, with all the development and technology, one will think Nigeria will see how other nations are faring well, will be embarrassed and as my mummy says, 'buckle up'. I mean, the 'developed' countries now didn't have all the technology we have now. They didn't have the knowledge that is easily shared around the world, they didn't have any one(country) to look up to as a role model. They did as they saw fit. It was trial and error.
I would have thought that Nigeria is privileged to have been 'born' in a time in which she has other people(countries) to look up, to ask for help and guidance from. I would have thought that Nigeria has a host of people(countries) to ask to be her mentor. Or has colonialism still left us feeling bullied that we cower and hide in fear and bitterness, refusing to grow up?
Anyway, I'm getting a headache thinking about Nigeria. She's a blessed country filled with patient people though I don't know how long they will be patient for in these day and time.

Soooo these are the next set of questions I'll answer.

14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?
 I love them. It'll be harder because of the fear of rejection, but then I'll probably still say it because I'll rather know than wonder... Wondering will even be harder.

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
 Eating snickers. I've tried to do so and I always run back to it. It'll be hard to lose because it is the perfect chocolate bar.
On a serious note, reading. I love to read and learn about things I find interesting. I love reading and knowing random facts. It'll be hard to lose because I will be pretty much lost and a sad case if I don't read anymore.

16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?
 Yesterday. My mummy.

17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month you would change and why?
 The moment I sent an e-mail that I'm still not so sure I should have sent, but I'm relieved I did.

18.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
 :-). Next question pleasee...

19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
 Ahh... You see, I have OCD. I don't like anything that's not germ-free and clean. One of my friends says I'm quickly becoming like Adrian Monk in the Monk tv series
I don't know. I will most likely stick to the chest compressions. I mean, what if as I'm doing the mouth to mouth and the homeless person was drunk before he passed out and he comes around and throws up IN MY MOUTH LIKE NOOO OO. There's being this debate that mouth to mouth is no more effective than just doing the chest compressions. I belive the theory that mouth to mouth is not effective and with that in mind, I will.

21.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?
 My grandmother. Going by the age of my paternal grandmother, she's close in her 90s or getting there. She's had the opportunity to live life and well, it's the logical thing to do. My maternal grandmother isn't as old, so I might be a bit hmm with her.
Then again, do I want to let a child who has known no suffering and pain live and see how rubbish the world is now? I am not God abeg, so stop asking all these funny JAMB questions *stomps feet and walks away angrily*

22. Are you old fashioned?
 Unashamedly and unrepentantly YES. I sometimes wonder if I was not born in the wrong century, then I look at all the technology around now and tell myself I wasn't.
But in my way of thinking, I tend to be old-fashioned.

23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
 Last month. It's quite difficult to be nice without expecting niceness or something back in return for me anyway. However, in another twist, if I see someone in trouble or someone who really needs help, I'll help or give or sacrifice something without expecting anything back. Am I still considered to be altruistic? 
When we say 'thank you' we expect a 'you're welcome' or some sort of acknowledgement in return. Should we not expect any acknowledgement?
When people say they like to help others because in the process of helping others, they feel good about themselves, so in a way they are technically helping others for the feel good factor or? I don't know. This was supposed to be a simple question, why am I over analysing it?
Next question abeg...

24.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
 Hmm... Some people say if you've never loved, you've not lived. Others say what you don't know won't hurt you. My adventurous side will go with true love and broken heart, but logical side says never loved at all. If I don't know what love does to one, then I'm fine. I'll wake up, go to work or school, eat, watch tv, read, go for concerts, be happy in my state of blissful unawareness of love and yep, I go with never loved at all.

25.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
 That I make it to heaven with everyone on earth. No one goes to hell.
When I think of eternity in hell, as in FOREVER! Not coming out in 9999999... trillion years. There is no countdown to look forward to leaving hell, it makes me shudder. I don't want even the people I dislike to go to hell. We can all commit malice in heaven. It is a big enough place for us all to live without hopefully bumping into each other.

So today is Thursday. Hmm. I like, no love peas. I have a headache. I've just begged and bribed my brother to go to the corner shop to get me some snickers. Yum.

I'll be back. DV.
Toodles. x

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Question 1

It's Miss Ar again.

I was walking jejely through the gardens of the internet (I wasn't. I was bored and looking for something to do. Note: I have so much coursework to get on with, but I don't understand why it'll be the night before they are due in that I start working on them seriously. I'll be frantically typing and praying to God to see me through just this once and I WILL NEVER leave my work till the last minute. I make bargains with God and tend to forget them too *hides face in shame* and then do the same thing again next time. I am very organised when it comes to most things. I even organise the projects I'm to do, but starting is the wahala. Anyhoo...) when I saw these questions and I was answering them in my head, but decided to put them on here.
There are 25 questions, but I'm going to answer 13 today and answer the 12 tomorrow.
Sooo...number won :p

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
 I don't tell people how I feel. Or I don't remember doing so. I guess I'll find it harder to look into someone's eyes when I'm telling them how I feel.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?
 I was really angry this evening because I felt one of my closest friends ever ever ever was being irritatingly stubborn and was not on the same page as I was on something we were talking about earlier on and we kept on going on back and forth and I missed my stop and had to walk a little bit longer home in the rain. I did have my brolly though.
I don't feel the same way. We talked and made up when I got back home. 
I was super duper angry with my sister yesterday too. She's broke and in uni and was trying to blame me for not sending her enough money to cover her phone bills like I'm her mother or something. KMT. I'm still mad at her for cutting the phone whilst I was still talking. Talk about rude. KMTTT

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?
 I'll call my daddy and tell him I love him. I don't tell him that often.

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
 I won't tell everyone. What's the point? I'll tell my family obviously. Maybe. I'll tell my 2 closest friends. I'll make sure I've set my life in order and then go on a holiday for 2 weeks with them and spend the remaining 2 weeks with my family. I will pull so many stunts and cause havoc :D 
There'll be no point in sending me to prison will there? I would be sad that I'm going off too young, but since my life is in order, I won't be scared. I'll most likely spend more time comforting family and making timetables for what they have to do since I won't be there to do all that. I like planning.

5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust. 
 Trust. I can't love without trust. I can't have a full and enjoyable platonic/romantic/familial relationship with you if I can't trust you. Trust definitely.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?
 Hmm... I don't want to sound mean, but I don't really like animals to be honest. I'll call RSPCA and tell them to come asap. Then again, I'll feel awful. Then again, the dog won't pay my bills. Then again, God works in mysterious ways. I might get a better job. I dunno jare. Hope not to be in that situation.

7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?
 The one I love the most.

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?
 If I don't feel the same way, then I'll tell you to sod off pleaseeeee. Joking. I'll tell him to sod off nicely. Maybe. If I love him too, then cool. If it's my female close friend, it'll go more in the line of 'GIRL, ARE YOU HIGH?! WAKA OUT OF MY FRONT NAW NAW'

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?
 I won't. One hour isn't going to make any difference. It will simply prolong the inevitable loss. My friend died of leukemia. We all knew he was dying, which made it easier in a way on us all including himself. He was in a lot of pain :-(
I would not want to see him spend another hour in a hospital bed a shadow of his former self and in pain. NO!

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
 Yes and no. Yes because I am loyal and trustworthy to those whom I am close to. I will pretty much give up the shirt on my back for you if I think you deserve it.
No because it is difficult for me to open up to people and trust them. I tend to be suspicious and wary of people and it would not be fair especially in the early stages of friendship to me lol.
PS: I was not always this jaded.

11. Does love = sex?

12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?
 If I'm single without any responsibility to anyone or if I'm married but with a stable source of income from the husband, then I'll offer to leave. I have seen what no means of income does to a family and it isn't nice at all. I'll leave.

13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?
I am going to do so tomorrow. It is the close friend I was angry with earlier on today. I will tell you later about what I have to tell him/her :D

Hope you had a nice day? I did. Had a new tutor to take us for two of our modules. Our previous tutor is ill or something. He just stopped coming in and no one really knows what's up with him and other tutors just seem to beat around the bush when we ask so yeah. The new tutor is a woman. I like her and her style of teaching. It was a pleasant surprise to see she was a woman. You don't see a lot of women in the field I'm studying in.
I'm off to try to get some work done hopefully and get some sleep.
I got a this a day or 2 ago from a friend. I have nothing to say. Nigerians, no one be like us. No one. No one like us *p-square:no one be like you tune*

Have a blessed night and lol (Lots of love)
Wait o, do I stop saying LOL now? Who has the time to sit down and think and come up with all these things? People get time no be small.
It is well.

First Post

Soooo, this is my first post here. *looks around sombrely*

Anyway, I was bored and so I took a Human Metrics Jung Typology Test. Last time I took one was last year or the year before that.
Surprise surprise *pause* NAAAT! (I just watched Borat yesterday and if you’ve watched it, you’ll get what I mean. I didn’t particularly find it funny though. There was some dark humour in it and I had a few belly laughs, but overall, it was hmm. I wouldn’t watch it again. *sorry for the digression*) I am an INTJ (Introvert iNtuitive Thinking Judging) The scores for each of them are: Introvert(89%)  iNtuitive(38%)  iNtuitive  Thinking(100%)  Judging(89%)
  • You have strong preference of Introversion over Extraversion (89%)
  • You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (38%)
  • You have strong preference of Thinking over Feeling (100%)
  • You have strong preference of Judging over Perceiving (89%)
If you’re interested in finding out your ‘type’, click here to take the test
I say NAT to the surprise because, I am an introvert. Everyone knows that. I know that. My mum does not believe I am. 
Apparently, when I was younger, I used to talk a lot and every time she came to pick me up from school, my teachers were always reporting me to her saying I talked a lot in class. I can’t remember talking a lot. Then again, I only remember things from Primary 2 or 3 or is it 4? Then, I did talk, but not a lot. In primary 5, I was very much subdued and my junior secondary years in secondary school, I hated them.

I was an ‘aje butter’ in a military school who did not know how to fight for seats in overcrowded classes and was sort of bullied. Thank God for this girl, Osinachi who took me under her wings till I moved to another military school. In the new military school, it wasn’t as ghetto as the previous one. I spent a lot of time reading in class. I immersed myself in Enid Blytons’ and co. 
In Js3, I read my first Sidney Sheldon. I still love and re-read his books every once in a while. 
Ss1 was nothing special. I can’t remember a lot from it apart from me taking part in sports day and running the 400m because no one else wanted to. I shouldn’t have in retrospect, but then I wanted to be the 12/13-year old heroine of the red house.
I don’t remember how I finished the race or if I finished it. All I remember was I thought my time had come and I was going to die. 
Thanks be to God, I didn’t. I’m still here to testify of God’s saving grace on my life. I never attempted to run again till my family moved countries and I had to do P.E in school. Then they found out I was a 'good' sprinter and blab la bla... I got into it again, but I NEVER ran more than 100m. I did long and triple jump too. I even represented my school’s borough you know. Hmm...I was super duper fit then.
Now, I’m addicted to snickers, walnut cake and Tesco’s custard. The custard is so creamy that damn, I just can’t help it. I tried.
I’ve been thinking of joining a gym close to ours, but I frankly can’t be asked. My mum said she wants to join one too. If she does and she agrees to pay for me, I’ll be her gym companion. I have been trying to walk more instead of getting lifts off my parents or taking the bus, but this is the wrong season to start all that. It’s cold, frosty and almost always raining. But I try. Sometimes.

OMG! I have gone totally out of topic. What was I even writing about previously? Before that, do you say writing or talking when blogging? Do you even say ‘say’? I mean, it’s technically typing so... I dunno jare. I can’t seem to get my head around that. I’ll mull over it and get back to it later.

Anyhoo, as I was saying before thought B rudely interrupted thought A, I was talking/writing/typing about personality types...
I am an INTJ. I am female and apparently, there are only less than 1% females out there. *thinks, why can’t they be more specific?*

This is what is said about INTJS. Oh, we’re also called MASTERMINDS, but some other articles refer to us as SCIENTISTS
 I don’t know about either of them though. I’m just me. Miss Ar. Simple.
See how I’m saying ‘we’. SMH

This is what an article says about INTJs
‘They categorize everything and waste time looking at s*** that doesn't matter. They plot to take over the world and hate everyone, even as a child. INTJs can become vastly overconfident and will often times get stuck on a particular line of thinking that destroys their ability to troubleshoot problems, and have a low tolerance for spin or rampant emotionalism, some argue that half of INTJs' intelligence is pure arrogance. They may hide behind their knowledge, rationalizing that the net costs exceed the net benefits in the relationship, and so it is illogical to peruse in one. But no matter how cold they seem, they secretly spend a lot of time, before going to sleep, imagining a guy/girl that loves them. They would be great leaders, assuming half of the population wasn't nearly as retarded as it is right now.'

I will dissect this quote at some other time and relate it to myself.

I personally don’t feel that this is a cocksure for lack of better word to use *pause* NAAT (I have other words, but this sounds better) method of finding out exactly what type of person I am or you are, but it is a way of confirming what one already knows about oneself and or to learn more about oneself. It also could help to know the areas one is lacking in, what areas are ‘okay’ and then, what needs to be ‘fixed’ to if one feels there is anything to be fixed. Or one can simply sit down, relax and live.

I’ll pick the former. I can’t be bothered to ‘fix’ anything now. It’s too late in the night or early in the morning to be fixing things in my life. My first class for the day starts quite early and it’s a long journey sort of from home to school.

On another note, this hasn’t been too bad. I think I just might like blogging. Let’s wait and see how I feel about it tomorrow. Adios!

PS: Sorry for the long post. Is it okay to have such long posts? Oh well.

PSS: I've just had a look at the blog page and it looks positively boring and dreadful. I'll sort it out later on today.