Sunday, 16 December 2012

If only

I have been somewhat in a daze for the last week. Life seems surreal and I feel like I'm sitting in a corner with God watching, with our hands on our chins events unfold in my life and on this planet I call earth.

I have cried, I have been shocked to the core. I have wondered what went wrong with me and what went wrong with us- human beings.
Okay, I guess it all started to go wrong was with Adam and Eve eating that apple.

If only Eve would have known the repercussions of eating that apple, maybe, maybe she would not have gone ahead to eat that darn fruit and there will be no evil on earth.

If only the DJs in Australia had known the repercussions to calling the King Edward VII's hospital, Jacintha Saldanha would still be alive. Her children would still have a mother, her husband will still have a wife.

If only the gunman in Connecticut would have thought about the repercussions of his actions; if only he had stopped been angry for a minute, sat down and not let emotions could his judgement, maybe, just maybe, those children will still be alive. Maybe those teachers will still be alive.

If only the gun culture has not been so glorified, maybe, just maybe that would not have been the only way and instrument with which the gunman would have seen fit to express whatever emotion he had that had filled its cup and was running over.

If only
If only
If only

I walk out when my mum and dad change the tv channel to news. They ask me why and I tell them that I can't stand the bad news. They say, 'yes, it's true but one must stay informed'. 
I ask myself, do I really want to stay informed anymore? What's the point? 
Today, a teenager has been stabbed. Tomorrow, she died from overdose. Next tomorrow, a 5-year old boy was raped. The day after that, a family was gunned down...
When does it stop? How does it stop? Will it stop?

If only I knew what life on earth was going to be, I would have begged God not to send me because I'm finding it hard to take it all in and deal with all the negative life throws at us daily.
I ask God why all this happens as I sit with him in our corner watching events folds. I tell Him it's hard. He tells me to read...
I Corinthians 10:13
'There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.'

I look at Him, my eyes widening in incredulity whilst pointing towards earth and  stutter, you mean that is what will comfort those kids parent's? I shake my head in wonder. I ask God, if He still cares for us anymore? Have we angered Him so much that He has taken His cover off us and has given the devil free reins to do as he pleases?

*Back to earth*
I still have no answers on how to deal with the losses going on around me everyday. Someone says, we shouldn't question God. But I find it hard not to. (Why shouldn't we ask God questions anyway? I ask my daddy questions and God is my big daddy. I should ask. It annoys me when people say that or is there somewhere in the Bible that I didn't read or there was a meeting I missed in which God said we should under any circumstance, never ask Him questions. Somebody please tell me.) I have more questions than answers and daily, the question list grows.

Life has become meaningless now. People take it with so much ease and lack of fear. I guess with more than 7 billion people on earth, they don't think anyone will notice the difference, but the families affected do. Friends do. Acquaintances do.

Sad thing is that in a week or two week's time, everyone forgets. We move on. We forget the families hurting. We forget how angry/sad we were. We forget that we got so mad that we wanted change. Not soon, but NOW.
We get back to the daily grind of life. We go back to wondering what we'll have for supper or if that guy/girl think we are cute. We forget.

I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Can't handle this right now.

PS: Sorry for the disjointed post. I feel that way now to be honest. *shrugs, gets into bed and covers self with duvet*


  1. We can talk to God and ask Him questions. In fact, I feel He wants us to. A father would definitely want to talk and listen to the cries of his son/daughter. The happenings around the world is one more reason to hold on to God and trust in Him more.

    1. It is one more reason. There's nothing else and no one else to hold on to or trust except God. Even when I don't believe or have faith, I know He's all I got.

  2. Life has been crazy lately, sad news everywhere...some days I get angry at God, some days I just wonder what His actual plan is for this earth...and some days I am just grateful to him for my life.

    1. I cannot agree more. You're literally put into words how I feel a lot of the time. I try to thank Him more though these days.

  3. Summing up life in 3 words. It Goes On. we just have to move on from whatever happened and prevent it in future if we can. These are the ones we see or hear about,there are alot worse out there being swept under the carpet.. from the bombings in Asia to Serial killigs and all..My heart goes out to those kids in CT. Preventive measures should be put in place now coz without it,there is gonna be more trouble...

    Ps.Nice Blog,1st time here.. :)

    1. It goes on for some while it stands still for others. I pray we are not in a situation where it stands still for us like those hurting families in Connecticut and all around the world.
      There are a lot more going on around the world. I hope any preventative measures that will be put out if they are actually going to be, makes a difference.

      Thank you for visiting :-)


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