Friday, 21 December 2012

Welcome to Adulthood

I was really upset a few days ago and still am now. Someone really close to me-family member has been upset. She's friends or was friends with this other Nigerian lady at work. She has a contract type of job. She applied to another company and got a semi permanent job working night shifts. Her Nigerian friend, I'll call her R had been complaining of how she needed more shifts and bla bla bla. Family member whom I'll call F then told her to apply where she is working saying she got it as a second job to get more experience and money. F told R what to put in her application form and how to answer the questions at the interview when she was called for interview.
F was happy R got in. Afterall, we're all Nigerians and we should try to look after each other in a foreign country. Ha! I laugh in Yoruba. Not long afterwards like a few weeks later, R tells F that she wants to do the night shifts. F is like, but you know there are only 2 people who are semi permanent doing the night shift and I am one of them. You know the reasons why I do the night shift and bla bla bla. R says, well, I will apply anyway, if I get in, I'll get in and she cuts the phone. F is like WHAT!@! Is it this small girl who I'm trying to help talking to me this way and now trying to take my job like WHATTT! Not long after that, there is an extra shift that someone has put up, F writes her name down for the shift. All is well and good and she is confirmed to work. The night before the shift is to start, R calls her and says 'err, Aunty, office has just called me now to tell me that I'm doing the shift tomorrow o.'
F says, that's impossible because I am the one doing it. I wrote my name down for it about a week ago and I have been confirmed to do it. R says, well, office called me and I was surprised too and was just calling to ask why you cancelled the shift. F said, I did not cancel any shift. F calls office. Office says no one called R. F calls R and tells her office says they didn't call her. R says they are lying. They called her to offer the shift to her. It goes on and on. F gets tired and says, R, take the shift. It's okay. It's just one shift na? You can do it.
F calls me to me. She is shocked. I am bloody pissed off. I tell F that she is too nice. She is still shocked that after introducing and helping R get a job in her company, she is now wanting to take her job away from her. She is wondering why people are so wicked, heartless and mean. She tells me that she will never do that to someone else. I tell her I know that, but people are not like her. People take advantage of the niceness of others. I tell her again of my ex-flatmate when I wasn't living at home. She says it's true, but still, are there not any nice people left again? People that will just be grateful for helping them rather than trying to cause confusion and steal your job right from under your nose and not even care about the consequences to you or how you feel. F is so sad and close to tears. She's spent about an hour plus back and forth, talking to R and office and it has weighed her down. I tell her, next time, do not associate with Nigerians. Say hello and hi, but keep your distance. She tells me one of her friends told her the same thing, but she thought it was silly not to want to help your fellow countrymen especially in difficult times like these, but she has learnt her lesson. In a sad and hurtful way. She feels sad that she has told R a lot about herself and her circumstance. She feels open and vulnerable. I don't blame her and try to tell her to pray. She will not be able to use anything against her. She will not take her job from her. Afterall, God knows she was only trying to make R's life easy when she told her to apply to the company. She was only looking out for her like a younger sister or aunty.

I reflect and I think of my time with my ex-flatmate and my ex-friend and how I was treated whilst living with her and how my ex-friend who started going out with ex-flatmate made me feel. We had been close friends for years and suddenly, I was the annoying person. I had no problem with them going out because frankly I thought it was time ex-flatmate got with someone and settled down. Afterall, she was like my big sister and she wasn't getting any younger. But then, I still can't get my head around how people change and become the devil personified. I am still trying to let go and stop been angry. I told my mum and a mutual friend of ex-friend and I and he was SHOCKED TO the D. He said it made sense at how funny ex-friend had been acting towards him. I dunno. I don't care anymore. I lie. It hurts that people throw away friendships. I tend to be very loyal. Loyal to a fault. I don't have lots of friends because I am very picky. Those that I'm friends with, I hold dear and tight. I might not be the best in expressing how much I love and care for them, but they know in my own way, I do and I try to show them. The shocker I got in learning that not everyone held their friends close was an eye-opener. It sort of welcomed me to adulthood. I had gone through something similar in primary and high school in Nigeria, but then I classed them as childish things.

From then, I moved back home, and I have been pretty much a loner. I have always been a loner, but I am now a LONER. My close friends live in other cities and most of them are older. They are getting married and some have moved back to Nigeria after their Masters here. I guess I'm going to have to find new friends, but I don't know how to and I am too suspicious. *shrugs*

I now understand Jeremiah 17:9 ' The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?' People are EVIL. People are WICKED. Sometimes, we go out in ignorance and naivety expecting everyone to be as caring, nice and thoughtful as we are, but people don't care.

My stance now is I consider you evil and wicked and hold you at arms length till you prove otherwise. I sometimes forget though and every once in a while, someone does something that makes me take a step back and shed a tear, but I try to move on.
I told F not to worry, she has other good friends. She should let R go. She just has to pray harder. F is older, but has been blessed with amazing friends. So I understand how let down she felt. I am wayyyy younger, and the year I became a 'proper adult' I learnt how the world runs the hard way.

I just wish we all treated everyone nicely and stop been mean. It's hard-work trying to figure out if someone can be trusted or not. I used to be someone who tried to see the positive in everyone. I hated putting people down or judging them based on gossip. I used to tell my close friend not to be mean to people like that, but the older I get, the more jaded I become. I understand why she is mean to people sometimes. It's sad. I don't want to end up as a mistrustful and jacked up crazy and jaded spinster. It's easy to become that way, but I am going to try very very hard not to. I'll pray too.
 I was speaking to close close friend who just got engaged. I told her I was happy for her, but she's jokingly said, she's sorta leaving me. She said I should pray and ask God for good single friends who are my age lol. I have wayy too many older friends and it's good, but not too good. I smiled, but I wonder if God actually cares about little things like that when there are bigger issues others have to face like famine, wars, cancer, barreness etc. *shrugs* I hope He does listen though. It gets a tad bit lonely in this city without friends even with family here. If I do get friends, I don't want fake ones o because...

Oh well.

I wonder if the world was supposed to end at the beginning of 21/12/12 or it will be at the end.

UPDATE: I just saw this and how true is it...


  1. Lessons learned from growing up I guess.....

    1. Yes. I learn many more daily- positive and negative lessons.

      Is it just me missing something or have you closed your comment section on your blog?

  2. How long would we live our lives holding everyone at arms length? How long would be think of everyone as wicked? i've had my fair share of betrayal in the past and as much as i want to be angry and bitter or cut off ties with everyone called "friend" God is humbling me seriously and ofcourse i dont like it, but then its necessary. we cant go through life thinking everyone is bad when we know its not true, we would miss out the chance of meeting amazing people. i think the key is balance

    Felt like i just told myself this *sigh*

    Thanks for this

  3. My dear your post really hit home, l had a bitter experience too with a childhood friend., click to read frienship gone sour -


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