Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Summer update and randoms (as usual).

Yeah, I've not been on here in a while. A long while.

Anyway, I decided to binge watch and catch up with all my favourite shows- Modern family, Grey's Anatomy, Big Bang Theory.
Modern family and BBT make me smile. They're so comfortable and heart warming. They're my feel good shows.
GA- I can't believe Heather is dead :-( . I thought she was annoying when she was first introduced to the show alongside the newbies, but she grew on me like April did. Should Shane be guilty or grateful that she died in his place? I guess both. He lied to her and she being a good, naive and obedient (yeah) girl, did as she was told or more accurately lied to and died. Her death reminded me of how important GOOD and true friends are. Not worth having acquaintances labelled as friends. Selah.
Bailey's teary 'Praise Jesus, you didn't  rupture his aorta' was so aww...
The stand-off between Yang and Bailey made me chuckle. Bailey told Yang that she's the fellow and therefore makes the decision. Yang replied with a bangitybang 'I own this hospital. You work for me.'
No comeback for that :-D
In all, the season's premier was bittersweet.
Oh well. It's a show. I've still not gotten round to watching last season's final episode of Scandal. I've had enough drama for tonight.

Summer was a mix of different emotions and activities. A couple of weddings, a bit of gallivanting around the country, falling in love with Edinburgh and dreaming of moving there should my family learn to live without me, a few minor fall-outs, lots of wedding/marriage/'it'll be your turn soon' conversations, long journeys some major fall-outs, Spanish, eye-opening experiences on human behaviours, really HOT summer days and uncomfortable nights, part-time jobs, rain, being a MoH, failed repeated attempts at reading Tess of the d'urbervilles, temple run 2, lots of walking, flowers, being friends or something akin to that with people I thought of as 'annoying', lots of telephone conversations, ignoring people :-D, Church, candy crush saga, country side, more weddings and the best, answer to a prayer that had been prayed for a VERY LONG TIME.
Yep, Summer was good. It weren't too bad at all.

I finished Temple run 2. I promise you I did. I uninstalled it and I'm re-playing it again. I'm already on level 8. I'd forgotten how tedious and boring this level is. Oh well. I finish what I start or I try to anyway.

School is back on. I'm glad. Had a conversation on an aspect of engineering that I found interesting. I've been thinking a lot about it. I'm not particularly great with the sciences. I just like knowing stuff. I like knowing about how the theoretical part of science is used in real life. I'm not too keen on just the theory. Sigh. More choices and decisions to make. My mum and dad will probably kill me if they can read my mind. Not that I'm really bothered bothered bothered. I'll love to make furniture if I could, but I've gotten to accept that it'll be something I'll do as a hobby and not a career. The next best thing is building houses. Structural engineering is fun to know about, but will practicing it be fun too? Too much officey work drawing and talking. I want to be doing not talking.
I'll think about all these later.

Sooo... I've become a bit lax on the spiritual side. That's not true. Very lax. I'm just so meh.

I think I'm becoming way too cynical and it's not cool. How do I stop being cynical? I'll google it.

I read this and paraphrased, it said, 'Not trusting God will lead to a loneliness that human love cannot take away'

This has been on repeat for a few weeks. It's made and it makes me smile.



We’re all gonna die. We don’t get much say over how or when. But we do get to decide how we’re gonna live. So do it. Decide. Is this the life you wanna live? Is this the person you wanna love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out, and decide.
Richard Webber - ‘Seal Our Fate’
(Season 10, Episode 1)

It's me again with my random and very uncollected thoughts... :-)

Saturday, 1 June 2013

Lord, I NEED an angel


I've run out of answers I've run out of time
And I'm so confused that I'm loosin' my mind
Its gonna take a miracle to help me this time
I'm traveling a road that has not one sign

Help me, 
Have mercy on me
Set my soul free
And let the bell in my heart ring

This is my cry, hey, this is my plea, you see

I need an angel, I'm callin' an angel, send me an angel down
I need an angel, I'm callin' an angel, send me an angel down


I'm carryin' a load that's too heavy for me
Have nowhere to go so I'm down on my knees
I'm tryin to see the forest but there's this one tree
Can't understand why I'm shaking so deep

Help me (Help Me Help Me) have mercy on me
(Won't you have mercy on me) 
Set my soul free, 
And let the bell in my heart ring

This is my cry, this is my plea

I need an angel (I need an angel) I'm calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)
Here me now
I need an angel (I need an angel) I'm calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)


Oh something inside of me telling me the morning will come (Morning will Come) Yes it will
Oh sometimes it's hard to face the truth so we run (We Run)
God if you care at all please don't let me fall by the wayside (Oh No)
Please be my guide, would you light my path...
Take Me, Shape Me, Mould Me, Change Me, Teach Me, Fill Me, Save Me

I need an angel (I need an angel) I'm calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)
I need an angel (I need an angel) I'm calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)
I know its gotta be some kinda angel out there for me
Send a angel down right now Send a angel down right now


Pretty much says it all Lord.

Thursday, 23 May 2013

I tire!

As a muslim, you must obey the law of the land, but if the law contradicts your your faith or religious beliefs it's VERY VERY simple. LEAVE! Move somewhere that accommodates your beliefs. Saudi Arabia is there. No?

When an idiot believes it's right to hack someone to death to pass across a message of his religion, then that's madness. Then again, what can we say when that's what the religion teaches or biko, someone explain why it always has to be muslims to me. Kmt.
I am aware that not all Muslims are crazy like this dude who hacked the poor soldier to death in Woolwich,  but when there is negativity and evil attached to a religion, it makes it so difficult to see past that.
It's still difficult for me to get over Boko Haram and their stupidness in Nigeria. Then there's Boston and now Woolwich.
I wonder when Muslims clamouring for Sharia law in Britain will learn that it is a Christian nation and it will never happen.  Why force your religion down the throat of people who have welcomed you into their land. I don't see Christians or Hindus or Buddhists fighting and killing for the laws in Saudi or Pakistan or Iran to be change to suit their religious beliefs.

It is scary when people can easily detach themselves from their conscience and try to validate killings of people for religious purposes and then turn around and tell me 'religion of peace'. My mum is a former muslim. Her family members including her parents are still muslims. She herself said it's scary the way some muslims will kill for the religion. It's like they become someone else. That's not right. You can't go about killing people and then want me to revert to your religion.
Again, I am well aware that not all muslims are like this, but deep down, are they or aren't they?

The idiot apparently is British Nigerian. The joys. People like this thing are reasons why blacks and Nigerians in particular are treated like crap. We wonder why our people are been racially abused in schools and trains and buses. We take offence when the indigenes scream obscenities at us and tell us to go back to our countries. We  take one step forward, thinking we are making progress as a race and then gbam an idiot take us 100 backwards.

I would hate to be living in SE London at this time. To think I was planning on going to London next week to hang out with friends. My mum gave me this stern look that said young lady, you are not leaving this city to go to anywhere. I don't even feel comfortable going again anyway.
I guess black boys should get used to the idea of being stopped and searched.

I am so flipping angry right now. Nothing makes sense anymore. Then again, driving purposely off the road to hit someone wearing a 'help for heroes' t-shirt, dragging him to the middle of the road and hacking him to death in front of a primary school is not what normal people do regardless of religion. It's not supposed to make sense.

PS: I am going to scream at the next person who sends me one those chain mails about being proud of 'our GREAT country Nigeria'. Nigeria ain't great. It WAS great at some point. The earlier people begin to stop fooling themselves and be honest and realise and accept that Nigeria is not great anymore and then start trying to fix that once great country, the better for it and for us as Nigerians.

Monday, 29 April 2013

My Prayer 1

Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves, 

when our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little, 

when we arrive safely because we sailed too close to the shore. 


Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess,
we have lost our thirst for the waters of life, 
having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity, 
and in our efforts to build a new earth, 

we have allowed our vision of the new heaven to dim. 


Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas, 
where storms will show your mastery, 
where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars. 
We ask you to push back the horizon of our hopes, 
and to push us into the future in strength, courage, hope, and love. 
This we ask in the name of our Captain, who is Jesus Christ. ”
― Francis Drake

Sometimes, I don't want to be disturbed. I like where I am. I feel safe and comfortable.
Why do I have to..? But...? What if...?

However,

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour"
-Hillsong United (Oceans (Where feet may fail)


Thursday, 25 April 2013

Friendship


This dude is FUNNY. His accent and intonations and everything is just right. He made me smile.

I have been pretty much a loner most of my life and I've been fine with it, but as much as I love talking and thinking things through in my head, there there have been periods when I've wanted or needed someone to talk to. I'm glad I have a sort of mentor like figure in my life to whom I e-mail pages after pages of the going ons in my life-the good and not so good.
I have been wary of calling just anyone my friend. Friendship to me is a biggie. When I call someone my friend, I mean it. It is a commitment and one I take seriously. However, I have realised that it is better to be alone than have crappy 'friends'. I'm the classic example of burnt once, twice shy.
Anyway, it saddens me when I see/hear people slander, belittle and tear their apparent friend to pieces. My sister's flatmate apparently has been acting up and I find it weird that they're always loving each other up, declaring their love and whatnot on facebook and when they talk to each other, and then been bitchy the next minute and having these fights that make no sense whatsoever. It's horrid. I told my sister that she needs to start making real friends and these people she hangs out with are not friends. I was quite shocked when she said, 'I know'. Apparently, she knows who her real friends are, but only hangs out with the people she does because they are fun and some other reasons that make no sense to me. Then again, I can't say I really understand how and why my sister does what she does sometimes. She says I think too 'straightforward' to understand.*shrug* I told her that I was worried for her and the whole big sister talk and she said I should stop worrying and that she knows how to handle her flatmate. Doesn't stop me from worrying though.
I worry so much for my siblings and even my parents. SMH.
Anyhoo, I firmly believe that in friendship and their importance, but when a friendship or any relationship becomes toxic, then I don't see why there should be any hesistation in walking away. Friends are to add to you and vice versa. Friendship should be joyous. Not necessarily all the time, but you should think of your friend and smile not be angry or sad or have negative thoughts.
Whatever though...
Moving on...

Five Characteristics of a Close (True) Friend
  1. A close friend rejoices in your joys and sorrows over your pains. A true friend is not just sympathetic, they are empathetic. They share your feelings, weeping with you when you weep and rejoicing with you when you rejoice.
  2. A close friend won’t defriend you if you disagree. Friendships are tested when there is a disagreement. But true friends don’t cut you off because of it. They may tell you what they think you need to hear and vice versa. But they will do it in such a way where you can receive it. The reason is because you know they love you unconditionally more than they love their views.
  3. A close friend stays in regular contact with you. I have friends who contact me from time to time and vice versa (once or twice a year). We regard each other as good friends. But a close friend this doth not make. Close friends communicate fairly regularly.
  4. A close friend is someone whom you trust implicitly. They have earned your trust. Consequently, you don’t doubt that they have your back. And you don’t fear that they will stab you in the back. You trust them enough to confide in them about highly private and confidential matters. Close friendship brings with it disclosure (John 15:15).
  5. A close friend will stand by you, defend you, even take a bullet for you when you’re under attack. To my mind, this is perhaps the highest measure of friendship or one of the rock-bottom “tests.” The posture of a true friend is, “If you hurt my friend, you’ve hurt me.” It is never, “Well, that person never did anything to hurt me, so it’s not my issue.” This attitude is what separates goats from black sheep. :-) True friends stand with and stand up for each other.                            http://frankviola.org/2012/03/26/whatmakesatruefriend/

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Craziness!

This month has been exceptionally busy for me. It's been nice travelling and meeting so many people, but it's also been exhausting. I've had to make lots of small talk which was so tiring especially at my sister's birthday dinner. She is so bubbly and outgoing and all her friends are pretty much the same. After a while, I just stopped and sat in a corner and people watched. It was pretty entertaining watching them all.
I'm glad to be home, but I'm out again this weekend for another birthday do, but it's in my city, so no travelling. I can't wait for next weekend when I can just have a lie in, get some school work done and read a book. I read two books this past two weeks. One was 'The last templar' by Raymond Khoury. Good read. It's sort of similar to Dan Brown's 'The lost symbol'. I've not been to my local library in a while. I'm going to pay them a visit soon.

Apparently, I annoyed someone-A. He was going back to Nigeria and my mum had gotten somethings she wanted to send back home and the plan was that another friend of mine, B will pick them up from A and give them to the people they were intended for. My mum asked me to tell A that B will come pick it up from him. I sent A a message saying, please, this is B's number. Can you call him and try to set up a time with him so he knows when you'll be home and he can come pick up the things from you. A says okay first and then a few minutes later, sends me another message saying no. I'm like err, why? He says nothing and that I should call B myself and tell him. I ask him why because it makes more sense for him to call B since he's in Nigeria and it'll cost me to call B from the UK. He's still insistent and I keep on asking why and he tells me in other words that I disrespected him by asking him to do something. I'm like woah. Come again and he repeats himself. He adds that I'm younger than him and a woman and I'm sending him on errands and that I have become too westernised and I should try that in Nigeria and he's just going on and on. I was literally in shock. If this was someone else telling me this, I would not be bothered, but A is like my person. We're really good friends and could have been more if not that he moved back to Nigeria.
All I could think of was so within a week of you back in Nigeria, your mentality has changed so much or wth is going on... I was gobsmacked to say the least and I just could not get my head around the fact that I ask a REALLY good friend of mine who is just about 4/5 years older than me to do a favour for me and it is disrespect. He said that if I had said my mum asked me to tell him, it would have been better, but me asking him was wrong and if I cannot try it in Nigeria.
Is that true?
We've talked a couple of times since that conversation, but it has been strained. I don't know how to relate with him anymore. When we talked and hung out, I never really thought about age and the fact that he was older. We were cool, laughed and insulted each other so I've still been in a state of not shock, but something close to it for the past two weeks. I keep on hoping he'll call or send me a message saying, 'I was joking o! Did you actually take that seriously?' I know he won't, because I had to be sure he said that and so I rang him and he was actually getting angry. He said he's trying to not get too angry because he knows I didn't grow up in Nigeria much so I'm not used to how things are done. That pretty much told me that he was serious, BUT, WTH!!!

I have always been friends with older people all my life and I have pretty much dated mostly guys older than I am, but now, I've had to have a re-think. I know not every guy is hung up on the I'm older than you so you have to kneel down when greeting me even whilst dating or married thought, but I'm so wary.
I would never have thought in a million years that A will spew up the rubbish he did about me being younger and a woman, but he did. I guess, we never really know anyone.
*sigh*
I guess I'm just going to have to deal with it and err...
...
...
...Moving on

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Award!



Sooo, I was given the Liebster blog award by ay in February, but I hadn't gotten around to accepting it and 'obeying' the rules for accepting it. Thank you for the award ay :-)

The rules for accepting the award are:
  1. Thank and link back to the giver
  2. Answer the giver's questions
  3. Nominate five other blogs with fewer than 200 followers
  4. Ask five questions for your nominees to answer
  5. Post it on your blog

1. Thank and link back to the giver.
Done

2. Answer the giver's questions
Love over money, or money over love? Love

What is the one thing you wish you could be right now? A very successful carpenter/joiner. 

Who is the one person you wish you could meet right now, and what would you tell them? King David. How he kept on walking with God despite how much he messed up.

How do you react when you are upset? I withdraw till I'm okay.

Where do you see yourself in five years. In five years, I'll be a working graduate. I'll be working for a good sized (I tend not to like large companies. I prefer underdogs) construction company in maybe the Middle East or somewhere in Europe or anywhere as long as I'm happy. Working on or towards my own projects. DV.

3. Nominate five other blogs with fewer than 200 followers
My five other blogs are:
4. Ask five questions for your nominees to answer
My five questions are:
  • What is the most random thing you have ever thought about?
  • Justice or mercy? Why?
  • What is your top favourite memory of all time?
  • If you could, what would you do everyday without fail?
  • What question would you like to be asked?

5. Post it on your blog. 
Done

Monday, 1 April 2013

Am I bovvered?

I wonder why people strive so much to be like others. I mean, it's one thing to see someone doing well in certain areas of their lives that you aren't up to par in and then trying to work hard to emulate their success and be better if possible, but it's another issue when you just want to BE LIKE someone else or you do things just because everyone is doing it.

I always think, sod it! I wasn't born on the same day as everybody and even if I was, I am me! I am running/walking/strolling on MY OWN lane in MY OWN race in life. I did not start this race with anybody neither am I in competition with anybody or care much about what anybody else is doing (apart from a couple of times I get a bit down). This is something I'm continuously belting out to my mum when she gets into her A is now a pharmacist and engaged, B is doing his masters and will be graduating soon or C is already married and just a couple of years older than you.
I think it irks mama that I'm just so laissez faire when it comes to these sort of things. Typical conversation between us goes like-
Mum: 'Ohhh, she's a Doctor now o' You know, she's even engaged to to a chemical engineer who works in Shell (or whatever oil company).
Me: 'That's lovely! *insert smile/continues with what I'm doing*
I look at mum from the corner of my eyes and she's just staring at me intently most likely thinking' Jesu Olorun, what am I going to do with this girl.'
 

Thing is, apart from my sporadic meltdowns on how 'rubbishy' my life is like in this post, I frankly just don't care. 
I'm glad I don't too because if I did, I would be close to finishing university now but be an extremely miserable git who was doing what everyone expected of her despite not hating every minute of it. 
I'm glad I don't care enough to make the things going on around me make me literally suffer in silence.

I LOVE what I'm doing now and I know that there are so many opportunities out there for me and I get so excited when I think about my future and what it holds for me careerwise anyway. I actually get giddy with joy and tear up a little bit (there are VERY few things that make me emotional).

For once, instead of been a responsible good girl, I am glad that I don't care. :-)

PS:{I love my mum and I know she loves me too, and wants me to do well in life and be able to stand amongst my mates with my head and shoulder held high. She's just got a different way of trying to 'motivate' me I guess.}

Thursday, 28 March 2013

Destiny or freewill?

My sister called me and she asked me if God has already decided who is going to heaven or hell and that she'd been having that discussion with her flatmate and a couple of friends. We talked a bit about it and I tried to reassure her that God has given us free will and if we live right and be saved, He won't say because we are all destined to go to hell because we are born sinners are going to hell anyway if that makes sense. I didn't tell her that I have thought about it many times before and I had found no answers that I could not question.
She asked me to read Romans 9 which was not very helpful to my plight. I'm going to have to study that passage and do some more active research into it. I told her to stop questioning and having conversations that will make her confused. Don't judge me. I had no clear cut answer for her.
On a normal day, I'm all for questioning everything. I think it is healthy to question everything rather than assume or live in ignorance, besides, how do you defend what you believe in if you are confused about it?
I will have to speak to her some more on Romans 9 and the whole destiny/freewill thing, but at this point, I can't because I...dunno.

I sometimes wonder if God has already pre-destined those who He will bless and those that wouldn't be so lucky. Some people seem to have everything so so easy with things falling into place perfectly without them even thinking about lifting a finger to do anything and then there are others who work so hard, but the odds are stacked high against them. They are stuck in whatever rut they are in or even move backwards.
It's not fair. There are some people I know who don't give two cents about anything or anyone or God and guess what? They have it all or from what I can see, they do and then there are others who live their lives well or try to and there's nothing to show for it and damn it, it hurts and IT IS NOT FAIR because I just think, what's the point? Maybe if I become like these people, things will be better since it isn't with this 'good' way I'm living.

Whatever though, I am just so flipping frustrated and tired and I have been trying to keep busy and involved in many things so I don't go crazy. I hear people say God has a plan and yadi yadi yadi and everything will be alright in His time and the funny/sad thing is I tell people that too even up until a couple of days ago but it's getting difficult to keep believing.

It's like once you're out of one issue, another crops up and I wonder when it'll end or if there'll ever be a break. I'm getting to the point that I feel I am slowly getting stretched and soon I won't be able to hold it together again.
I read everything I lay my hands on just so I can escape my life. I literally wake up and keep busy till I fall asleep.
I am not an emotional person, but I really just want to put my head on someone's shoulder and cry and say I can't do all this anymore. Maybe God doesn't like me or maybe He has already predestined not so cool things for me and if so, maybe I should just stop trying and just let it be. I am so tired. Mentally, emotionally and it tells physically.

God, if you're there, please help me. I beg you. I really do. I can't do this or anything anymore and we pray, I pray. I'm not perfect. I do crappy things that most likely annoy you lots. I won't come to you and say, but A does that and you still bless her/him, I don't and you don't bless me. I won't, but I can't help but think so. Family's at breaking point. I am at breaking point and I'm trying to be strong and I'm tired of trying to pack it in and not complain and be happy and strong especially when I can't see the supposed light at the end of the tunnel. Make a way for us Lord. Make a way for me. Fix all that need to be fixed please because after all is said and done, no matter how much I find it hard to believe now, and no matter how much I keep busy and read and play games or listen to music or go out and talk to lots of people for hours on end to help me 'escape' my reality, I have no one else to turn to literally. NO ONE. So I'm asking you if you're listening to me and seeing my and our tears to please help me/us. Help us in Jesus name. Amen.

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Dunno

I have a crush on Sonnie Badu as of now. This man can SINGGGGGGGGGG. Dayum!  So much going on around me and in my head, but I just can't seem to put them to words as usual. Meh. I met a youtuber/vlogger- BritPopPrincess this weekend by the way. So much has happened and is going on.

I'll be back soon.

Enjoy his videos









Friday, 15 March 2013

SAMSUNG GALAXY S4

I'm watching the live stream unveiling of the Samsung Galaxy S4. The phone's specification is simply OUT OF THIS WORLD.
When I got the S2, I didn't think there would be any phone that would be as good as it till I met the S3 and fell in love.
Now, I've seen and watched how the S4 works and err, the Lord will provide. S4 epitomises smartphone. Can't wait to get my hands on one.

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Oscar Pistorious and Blacks

Soo, apparently, Oscar Pistorious has been charged with killing his girlfriend.
Apparently, he thought she was a burglar or intruder and shot her 4 times in the head and once in the arm. According to yahoo!, 'The estate where South African athlete Oscar Pistorius lives is supposed to be one of the safest in the country. In 2009, Silver Lakes Golf Estate was voted "the most secure estate in South Africa", according to its website.'
South Africa has some of the highest rates for violent crime in the world, with an average of nearly 50 people murdered each day. There are also high levels of assault, rape, robbery and carjackings with some home-owners having to carry weapons to defend themselves against intruders.

Now, some people believe that the blacks in SA are the ones who inadvertently caused him to murder his girlfriend. I had nothing to say until I started reading some comments on yahoo! and someone wrote, 'If the blacks didn't commit 18,000 murders a year there, then decent folk wouldn't need to live in gated communities. That is the problem.'
That got me MAD.


You don't go to someone else's country and then try to run them down/out. White South Africans are not the original South Africans. I don't care if their greatest grandfather was born there, but they aren't to me anyway. Now, they've waltzed in from Europe and American and have settled in SA, they have the best of EVERYTHING and look down on the original inhabitants of the land. There is a lot of poverty amongst the blacks that live there. They are pushed away and subjected to inhumane degradation whilst these immigrants come in and take the best of what they have. Now tell me, why won't they be MADDDD? Why won't they be angry? Why won't they do whatever they have to do to survive? To provide for their mothers, fathers and siblings? I DO NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE for any reason, but when you take away everything necessary for a man/woman to make a honest living, they will have no choice but to turn to the dark side to provide for themselves.
I live in England and I have heard and seen firsthand English people who get angry at the rate of immigration and how black immigrants seem to come into the country and take the best of what they have. The government has implemented measures to reduce immigration to the UK from African countries and there is a lot of racism and hardships for blacks in terms of getting jobs or moving to the top in careers. We complain and moan about it, but at the back of our mind, we empathise or I do anyway. I can't come into another man's country and uproot him out to make myself lord over him and those like him.
It is the same in Nigeria, in the Niger Delta area. All these oil companies go there, take the oil and ruin the land and the indigenes are left to suffer. Forget all the story about building schools and crap. The farmlands are destroyed, many of the rivers can never have fishes and whatever clean and healthy rivers have in them. You can't send a hungry child that has no clothes or shoes to school. How will he/she learn?

Now, as I've been reading all these about blacks in SA, I remembered the shooting incident in this same SA a couple of months ago and the inhumane way the mining workers were treated and how they fought back. As I've said, I do not condone violence, but if I am mining gold or coal or diamonds from my own FATHER'S LAND and yet I am living in abject poverty and when I get the courage to ask in my own father's land for a raise or better working and or living conditions, I am shut up like an annoying child, I will FIGHT. I will not take it.

I am so bloody angry at how blacks are so displaced all over the world. How we are nobodys in the west and nobodys even in our own homes. Indians come over and take our jobs and or become our bosses even though we are better qualified. Let's go to India and see if they'll make a Nigerian or black man bosses in many of their companies.
Shebi, if Nigeria was the Nigeria of the 80s or when things were good, no one wanted to go abroad. People went abroad to study, and most of the time, ALWAYS came back home. Now, people will sell their mother to leave.

It irks me that our leaders are so daft and have little or no intelligence to see all these and don't feel pain and shame for their people. It irks me that for some, it is better to live in a foreign land where at least, they will be able to use their degrees rather than be cast aside for 'oyinbos' who are 'always better' in their own home countries. It irks me that for others, it is better to live in a foreign land where they will be able to see the fruit of their labour no matter how small it is. At least here in the UK, there is racism, but there are laws that 'protect' us from it. Sometimes, these laws don't work and we have to bear the consequences, but I don't know if I will be able to live in my own father's land and be discriminated upon, take it silently and say 'it is well' as we Africans are always wont to say.
EVERYTHING IS SO WRONG WITH THIS WORLD. EVERYTHING! I AM SO ANGRY.

ps: my title makes no sense, but it was all I could come up with for now

Friday, 8 February 2013

Not perfect, but a healthy family.

Sooo, even though I said I was going off to make my sarnie and hot chocolate, I kinda deviated into youtube for a minute and I clicked on something that led to something and I saw Mary Mary Season 2 like SAY WHAT?! They have/had a reality TV show? Since when? Why? Everyone seems to be having a reality show now. I don't get why though. I know reality sells. Way too many amebos wanting to know what's going on in other people's lives and I am SOMETIMES like that. I just want to know. It feels good knowing that your family is not as eccentric and bat crazy as you thought. There's another family out there that is worse and you can run your mouth on how bad they are. It feels good, but then the people who are been videoed all day long, don't they feel weird? I'll feel weird to have my privacy taken away (even though technically, I don't think we really have any privacy with big brother, but there's an illusion of one) and cameras and mics all over *shudders* To each their own.


I always wish my family will be perfect. You know, perfect understanding mum, dad and siblings. We're all best friends and confidantes. We live in a big house with a massive garden and a white picket fence (yh, I know, American dream even though I don't live there) but then, we're not. We argue, fight, shout, keep malice and can be horrible to each other. HOWEVER, as one of the sister's in Mary Mary said, 'it's all about healthy and not perfect families' As long as at the end of the day, after having a massive row with my sister, I can text her and say 'I love you even though you're a pest' or I can my mum can draw me in for an awkward hug and tell me she's sorry or my dad can just laugh with you (his signal that he's cool with you) or my brother can get a glass of water from the kitchen to my room even though I've been told him to sod off.
Healthy is fighting and not always meeting each other eye-to-eye on certain or many things, but been able to accept each other, forgive each other and move on past those issues. How boring would my family be if we were the 2.5 family with all the money, love, happiness and no rows with each other? I mean, sometimes, I moan that they don't understand me, which is true, but I have accepted them for who they are. It's not always okay when I feel like WTH. I want a different family or when my sister says I'm an awful sister, but going past all that makes us healthy or close to healthy I think.
A friend came over to stay for Christmas and he said something that made me all warm inside 'I love your family. I love how real you all are to each other from the fighting to the making up. I love you guys.'
When I heard one of the sister's say 'not perfect, but healthy families' it struck a chord with me. We're FAR from perfect, but we love each other and that love enables us to have a healthy and amicable relationship though eccentric.

Anyway, I am going to make that sandwich and hot chocolate now. No youtube or Temple run game.
OMG! I AM ADDICTED TO PLAYING TEMPLE RUN. IT'S BAD. VERY BAD. VERY VERY BAD.
 Kitchen calls me now.

Toodles for now. 

UPDATE: I LOVE LOVE LOVE this song, Boj(DRB Las Gidi) - Cruella
I just heard it yesterday whilst trolling the city of Nigerian music in the Nigerian country within planet youtube. I wonder how I'm just hearing it. Then again, I tend to forget about Nigerian songs after a while.

*dancing to kitchen whilst humming don't leave me alone o cruella don't leave me alone cruella...voice fades off*

Random 2

Sooo, Nigeria beat Mali. Burkina Faso beat Ghana. England beat Brazil. Wonders, shall NEVER end. Ohh, I had to rewind the Burkina Faso vs Ghana game to record this moment...
It was an interesting moment. I wish Ghana won though because it'll keep my facebook home page alive and buzzing with insults and fights.

I'm up to date with Scandal. All I can say is 'LAWD HAVE MERCY!' That show is GOOOOOD. You should watch it.
I have been binging on youtube videos. I really need to cut down on it. Youtube is like a really nice bar of snickers. You promise yourself to have ONLY one bar. You finish the one bar and think, you know what, another bar won't hurt and you go on and on like that till you're done with 8 bars in a day. Yes, I eat about 3-4 bars in a go once I start. It's the same for youtube. Once I click to go into that website, then I just can't stop clicking. It's like wikipedia. I love wikipedia. We used to play this game in my sixth form. Basically, you wikipedia a word and then someone gives a final word you have to find through that word. Like wikipedia Apple. From that apple wikipedia page, navigate through it and through other pages till you find the word hydraulic. Yes, we were/are nerds. It's allowed. It was a grammar school. Boring all girls grammar school somewhere in Kent. Anyway, I tend to do that once I go on wikipedia. Hence, I pretty much always have a minimum of 15 tabs open all the time I'm on my laptop.
#don'tjudgeme

I'm having a good week. I feel excited. I don't know why or maybe I do, but oh well. I'm off to make me a nice ham and cheese sandwich with a cup of hot chocolate at 3:02am in the morning. Is this right? I swear, I said I wanted to be more healthy this year? Sod it. Sandwich is calling my name.

Toodles. It's 3:03am now. (Why did I have to put that on?) 

Thursday, 24 January 2013

Food, Grey's Anatomy.

So I cooked Egusi soup by myself for the first time. Well, my mum told me what to do, but it still counts as me doing it myself. It didn't come out too bad. Just a bit burnt. It was still edible. My phone is still not back. I would have taken a picture. I miss my phone. Sigh.

It has taken me 8 months and 7 days to watch Grey's Anatomy season 8's finale. I've heard about it and read about it, but I just did not have the courage to watch it.

Life is fleeting. Here one moment and gone the next. Always tell those you love that you do. You might never have another opportunity and all these things are so cliche, but true. I don't get people who know they love each other but play games. It's so stupid I think. What's the point?

I'm emotionally drained.

It is just a damn show woman. Get a grip.

I can't believe Lexie is dead. I know she didn't want to renew her contract or whatever, but she's dead. She's supposed to be with Mark, ALIVE. I'm still not over George's death. Izzie just disappeared as far as I'm concerned and now Lexie.

It's just a show.

SMH. Shonda Rhimes. SMH


Monday, 21 January 2013

Random thoughts.

Okay, so it's been seriously snowing here. It's nice and lovely and I really want to make a snowman, but I just can't be bothered to leave the warmth and comfort of my house to do that.

I got new trainers and track bottoms. I want to take exercising seriously this year. Everyone thinks I'm crazy and I've had a couple of guys tell me randomly that I need to add weight and that I'm too skinny and bony. One of them told me, oh Ani, you need to start eating more eba and soup you know so you can add a bit more flesh. I was like, nah, thanks. I'm great the way I am. Dude tells me, but you know, you will even look better when you add a bit of flesh in the right places. Guys will fall for you more. I didn't even bother replying. See me see trouble oh. I am there minding my own business and you are telling me to change who I am to look better for you like I know you like me and want me to be your wifey or whatever, I don't like been told what to do and who are you to tell me I need to add more flesh? Some men are so confused. They see a slim woman and they complain. They see a big woman and they complain. They see one that's in the middle and they want bigger boobs instead like gerrout of here jare. Another lady in Church walked up to me and asked me if I was ill. I said no and why was she asking? She said because it looked like I had lost a lot of weight. This was just after Christmas and New Year. I told her no, I had actually added a bit. She said in other words that I looked too scrawny and that a woman should be between 12-14. SAY WHAT! She said a woman looks healthy and better when she's between one of those sizes and she will be more attractive. She told me to start eating more and stop starving myself with salads and whatnots. I told her, aunty, I eat real food. I eat junk. A LOT of junk. We cook large pots of food every two days because we eat that much.
I got home and I was wondering why everyone all of a sudden is talking about me looking attractive for men. I didn't know that my sole purpose was to get to a certain age and then start primping and fattening myself for men. I got so annoyed. Oh well. My own is that I need to get fit this year. I am so unfit. It's quite scary.

Close family friend told me he loved me. Shockers.

Had massive rows with mum and dad over my education and what I want to do opposed to what I should be doing. It was all about what other people I don't give a crap about think. I hate that about the Nigerian culture. I frankly don't give a damn. People will talk no matter what you do. I might as well do what I like knowing they will talk anyway. Stressful times at home. Thank God for my second 'dad' who has been there to listen and advice and be a mediator between myself and the parents.

I feel very disillusioned these days with EVERYTHING. Family to self to religion and faith and life in general. I tend to stand at the top of the stairs and look out the window thinking of nothing in particular.

I've had very very long conversations with family friend. The older you get, the more complicated life becomes. SMH.

Mister man said he missed me. I missed him too and I appreciate him so much. You don't know how good your best paddies are till you talk to other people and realise how much paddy knows you and accepts your idiosyncrasies.

I haven't really spoken to female close friend in. We've whatsapped and that's pretty much been it. I'm a bit bleurgh about it.

I miss my phone. I updated to Jellybean and since the update, my phone went a bit nuts. It still worked. Sort of till it died. Had it sent off to a Samsung repair centre. It takes 10-15 days to get it fixed. I forgot to ask if it was working days or just everyday. I really miss my phone. I can't take good pictures with this crappy htc hero. It's so small and I wonder how I was able to use any other phone apart from my Gal S3.

Everyone seems to be leaving England or maybe it's everyone I know and I'm friends with.

We had this Skype thing with the pastor and all the young adults from Church. It was err 'interesting' to say the least. It was like a Bible study. At least, he's trying to get us all together from all everywhere we've all traipsed to in the name of university.

I really love what I'm studying now. I feel happy and comfortable. I don't feel panicky or have that sick feeling at the bottom of my stomach like I did all the time whilst on my former degree programme. I hope my mum and dad support me fully and accept that I am an adult and can make my own decisions. They are getting around in their own way.

I need to call my driving instructor and get my driving license sorted out asap. I need want a car. Went car window shopping with mum and it'll be lovely to be able to drive myself around without waiting for lifts or taking the bus.
I hate taking the bus.

I want to go to London soon. I miss London. I miss the hustle and bustle and how I get lost in the multitude of people there.

I don't see the point of this post. Oh well.

Bless. X

First post of 2013

Happy New Year!!! I'm grateful to God that I'm still around on this side of eternity. Thank you Lord.
I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and the new year has not been too bad?

I had a nice and quiet Christmas with just family and a family friend came over for new year. We had a lovely time. Heard an interesting revelation (family friend told me he loved me) and lots of arguments too over school with the parents.
Anyway, I've been so busy with school. I don't mind though, because I love what I'm doing now and that makes a whole lot of difference.
I have ignored a lot of things that I probably need to face and sort out like letters from old university and things related to it and e-mails to be replied. I should really sort them out, but I get that sick feeling when I even think about my former university and everything to do with it. Oh well. Whatever!

Sooo, I have been addicted to YouTube a lot more this year. It's like the new TV. Who needs TV anymore when you have YouTube? NO ONE!
Last night, I bumped into this show- 'All American Muslim' on YouTube and I have watched all 8 episodes. It's a reality show of 5 Shia Muslim families in Dearborn, Michigan.
I am a Christian and since 9/11 in America and the 7/7 bombings in London, I'll be honest and say that I have been a bit wary of Muslims especially those who wear the Niqab and those with the big beards and all. Yes, I have been. I'm just been honest.
There have been so many stereotypes that I've grow up hearing from family, friends, neighbours, MEDIA and people in general here in the UK and it gets to you and you start to believe them. Something that stood out for me was that I started to see the women after a couple of episodes as people and individuals and not just random women who all look alike. Yes, I am been honest. I saw past the hijabs and saw them for who they are with their different personalities and thought processes.
I know this sounds really silly, but muslims are people just like me with family problems and rebels in the family and other things I worry about.
Something else that stood out for me was when one of the brother and sister went to Washington to visit Ground Zero and get a tattoo and the tattoo artist was an Israeli and the brother and sister are Arabs with roots in Lebanon. The tattoo artist said, 'it's sad that we have to leave our country to be friends'. I paused the video, sat down and said 'wow'. After discussing with the tattoo artist, they realized that even though their countries are still at loggerheads with each other, they as individuals still faced the same problems like been blacklisted in most countries because of their ancestral passports, colour, religion etc.

It's interesting to know that even though I have thought of myself as been tolerant of other's beliefs, I actually was not and I am not there yet, but I am pleased that I am learning to be. I might not believe or think other beliefs are right or lead to my God,(Yes, I am been honest) but I can tolerate and not judge or condemn others. It certainly will make the world a better place. Life is hard enough as it is without thinking we are superior to others

I loved the sense of community within their Arab community in Michigan. It's the sort of community that I kind of wish I grew up in-having other families close by that share your faith and beliefs and have similar traditions to yours. It's great to be able to go out into the big bad world and know that at the end of the day, when you're fed up with the 'outside world', you always have your community to come back home to. However, I'm not too sure I would have totally loved it. I like my space and privacy and I know how much Nigerians or some Nigerians like to be 'all up in your bidness'
I really liked the show and I kinda wish there was a second season, but because of err reasons that I can't be bothered to get into, I'll leave it at that. Here's the first episode anyway...

Bless.x