Thursday, 24 January 2013

Food, Grey's Anatomy.

So I cooked Egusi soup by myself for the first time. Well, my mum told me what to do, but it still counts as me doing it myself. It didn't come out too bad. Just a bit burnt. It was still edible. My phone is still not back. I would have taken a picture. I miss my phone. Sigh.

It has taken me 8 months and 7 days to watch Grey's Anatomy season 8's finale. I've heard about it and read about it, but I just did not have the courage to watch it.

Life is fleeting. Here one moment and gone the next. Always tell those you love that you do. You might never have another opportunity and all these things are so cliche, but true. I don't get people who know they love each other but play games. It's so stupid I think. What's the point?

I'm emotionally drained.

It is just a damn show woman. Get a grip.

I can't believe Lexie is dead. I know she didn't want to renew her contract or whatever, but she's dead. She's supposed to be with Mark, ALIVE. I'm still not over George's death. Izzie just disappeared as far as I'm concerned and now Lexie.

It's just a show.

SMH. Shonda Rhimes. SMH


Monday, 21 January 2013

Random thoughts.

Okay, so it's been seriously snowing here. It's nice and lovely and I really want to make a snowman, but I just can't be bothered to leave the warmth and comfort of my house to do that.

I got new trainers and track bottoms. I want to take exercising seriously this year. Everyone thinks I'm crazy and I've had a couple of guys tell me randomly that I need to add weight and that I'm too skinny and bony. One of them told me, oh Ani, you need to start eating more eba and soup you know so you can add a bit more flesh. I was like, nah, thanks. I'm great the way I am. Dude tells me, but you know, you will even look better when you add a bit of flesh in the right places. Guys will fall for you more. I didn't even bother replying. See me see trouble oh. I am there minding my own business and you are telling me to change who I am to look better for you like I know you like me and want me to be your wifey or whatever, I don't like been told what to do and who are you to tell me I need to add more flesh? Some men are so confused. They see a slim woman and they complain. They see a big woman and they complain. They see one that's in the middle and they want bigger boobs instead like gerrout of here jare. Another lady in Church walked up to me and asked me if I was ill. I said no and why was she asking? She said because it looked like I had lost a lot of weight. This was just after Christmas and New Year. I told her no, I had actually added a bit. She said in other words that I looked too scrawny and that a woman should be between 12-14. SAY WHAT! She said a woman looks healthy and better when she's between one of those sizes and she will be more attractive. She told me to start eating more and stop starving myself with salads and whatnots. I told her, aunty, I eat real food. I eat junk. A LOT of junk. We cook large pots of food every two days because we eat that much.
I got home and I was wondering why everyone all of a sudden is talking about me looking attractive for men. I didn't know that my sole purpose was to get to a certain age and then start primping and fattening myself for men. I got so annoyed. Oh well. My own is that I need to get fit this year. I am so unfit. It's quite scary.

Close family friend told me he loved me. Shockers.

Had massive rows with mum and dad over my education and what I want to do opposed to what I should be doing. It was all about what other people I don't give a crap about think. I hate that about the Nigerian culture. I frankly don't give a damn. People will talk no matter what you do. I might as well do what I like knowing they will talk anyway. Stressful times at home. Thank God for my second 'dad' who has been there to listen and advice and be a mediator between myself and the parents.

I feel very disillusioned these days with EVERYTHING. Family to self to religion and faith and life in general. I tend to stand at the top of the stairs and look out the window thinking of nothing in particular.

I've had very very long conversations with family friend. The older you get, the more complicated life becomes. SMH.

Mister man said he missed me. I missed him too and I appreciate him so much. You don't know how good your best paddies are till you talk to other people and realise how much paddy knows you and accepts your idiosyncrasies.

I haven't really spoken to female close friend in. We've whatsapped and that's pretty much been it. I'm a bit bleurgh about it.

I miss my phone. I updated to Jellybean and since the update, my phone went a bit nuts. It still worked. Sort of till it died. Had it sent off to a Samsung repair centre. It takes 10-15 days to get it fixed. I forgot to ask if it was working days or just everyday. I really miss my phone. I can't take good pictures with this crappy htc hero. It's so small and I wonder how I was able to use any other phone apart from my Gal S3.

Everyone seems to be leaving England or maybe it's everyone I know and I'm friends with.

We had this Skype thing with the pastor and all the young adults from Church. It was err 'interesting' to say the least. It was like a Bible study. At least, he's trying to get us all together from all everywhere we've all traipsed to in the name of university.

I really love what I'm studying now. I feel happy and comfortable. I don't feel panicky or have that sick feeling at the bottom of my stomach like I did all the time whilst on my former degree programme. I hope my mum and dad support me fully and accept that I am an adult and can make my own decisions. They are getting around in their own way.

I need to call my driving instructor and get my driving license sorted out asap. I need want a car. Went car window shopping with mum and it'll be lovely to be able to drive myself around without waiting for lifts or taking the bus.
I hate taking the bus.

I want to go to London soon. I miss London. I miss the hustle and bustle and how I get lost in the multitude of people there.

I don't see the point of this post. Oh well.

Bless. X

First post of 2013

Happy New Year!!! I'm grateful to God that I'm still around on this side of eternity. Thank you Lord.
I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and the new year has not been too bad?

I had a nice and quiet Christmas with just family and a family friend came over for new year. We had a lovely time. Heard an interesting revelation (family friend told me he loved me) and lots of arguments too over school with the parents.
Anyway, I've been so busy with school. I don't mind though, because I love what I'm doing now and that makes a whole lot of difference.
I have ignored a lot of things that I probably need to face and sort out like letters from old university and things related to it and e-mails to be replied. I should really sort them out, but I get that sick feeling when I even think about my former university and everything to do with it. Oh well. Whatever!

Sooo, I have been addicted to YouTube a lot more this year. It's like the new TV. Who needs TV anymore when you have YouTube? NO ONE!
Last night, I bumped into this show- 'All American Muslim' on YouTube and I have watched all 8 episodes. It's a reality show of 5 Shia Muslim families in Dearborn, Michigan.
I am a Christian and since 9/11 in America and the 7/7 bombings in London, I'll be honest and say that I have been a bit wary of Muslims especially those who wear the Niqab and those with the big beards and all. Yes, I have been. I'm just been honest.
There have been so many stereotypes that I've grow up hearing from family, friends, neighbours, MEDIA and people in general here in the UK and it gets to you and you start to believe them. Something that stood out for me was that I started to see the women after a couple of episodes as people and individuals and not just random women who all look alike. Yes, I am been honest. I saw past the hijabs and saw them for who they are with their different personalities and thought processes.
I know this sounds really silly, but muslims are people just like me with family problems and rebels in the family and other things I worry about.
Something else that stood out for me was when one of the brother and sister went to Washington to visit Ground Zero and get a tattoo and the tattoo artist was an Israeli and the brother and sister are Arabs with roots in Lebanon. The tattoo artist said, 'it's sad that we have to leave our country to be friends'. I paused the video, sat down and said 'wow'. After discussing with the tattoo artist, they realized that even though their countries are still at loggerheads with each other, they as individuals still faced the same problems like been blacklisted in most countries because of their ancestral passports, colour, religion etc.

It's interesting to know that even though I have thought of myself as been tolerant of other's beliefs, I actually was not and I am not there yet, but I am pleased that I am learning to be. I might not believe or think other beliefs are right or lead to my God,(Yes, I am been honest) but I can tolerate and not judge or condemn others. It certainly will make the world a better place. Life is hard enough as it is without thinking we are superior to others

I loved the sense of community within their Arab community in Michigan. It's the sort of community that I kind of wish I grew up in-having other families close by that share your faith and beliefs and have similar traditions to yours. It's great to be able to go out into the big bad world and know that at the end of the day, when you're fed up with the 'outside world', you always have your community to come back home to. However, I'm not too sure I would have totally loved it. I like my space and privacy and I know how much Nigerians or some Nigerians like to be 'all up in your bidness'
I really liked the show and I kinda wish there was a second season, but because of err reasons that I can't be bothered to get into, I'll leave it at that. Here's the first episode anyway...

Bless.x