Thursday, 28 March 2013

Destiny or freewill?

My sister called me and she asked me if God has already decided who is going to heaven or hell and that she'd been having that discussion with her flatmate and a couple of friends. We talked a bit about it and I tried to reassure her that God has given us free will and if we live right and be saved, He won't say because we are all destined to go to hell because we are born sinners are going to hell anyway if that makes sense. I didn't tell her that I have thought about it many times before and I had found no answers that I could not question.
She asked me to read Romans 9 which was not very helpful to my plight. I'm going to have to study that passage and do some more active research into it. I told her to stop questioning and having conversations that will make her confused. Don't judge me. I had no clear cut answer for her.
On a normal day, I'm all for questioning everything. I think it is healthy to question everything rather than assume or live in ignorance, besides, how do you defend what you believe in if you are confused about it?
I will have to speak to her some more on Romans 9 and the whole destiny/freewill thing, but at this point, I can't because I...dunno.

I sometimes wonder if God has already pre-destined those who He will bless and those that wouldn't be so lucky. Some people seem to have everything so so easy with things falling into place perfectly without them even thinking about lifting a finger to do anything and then there are others who work so hard, but the odds are stacked high against them. They are stuck in whatever rut they are in or even move backwards.
It's not fair. There are some people I know who don't give two cents about anything or anyone or God and guess what? They have it all or from what I can see, they do and then there are others who live their lives well or try to and there's nothing to show for it and damn it, it hurts and IT IS NOT FAIR because I just think, what's the point? Maybe if I become like these people, things will be better since it isn't with this 'good' way I'm living.

Whatever though, I am just so flipping frustrated and tired and I have been trying to keep busy and involved in many things so I don't go crazy. I hear people say God has a plan and yadi yadi yadi and everything will be alright in His time and the funny/sad thing is I tell people that too even up until a couple of days ago but it's getting difficult to keep believing.

It's like once you're out of one issue, another crops up and I wonder when it'll end or if there'll ever be a break. I'm getting to the point that I feel I am slowly getting stretched and soon I won't be able to hold it together again.
I read everything I lay my hands on just so I can escape my life. I literally wake up and keep busy till I fall asleep.
I am not an emotional person, but I really just want to put my head on someone's shoulder and cry and say I can't do all this anymore. Maybe God doesn't like me or maybe He has already predestined not so cool things for me and if so, maybe I should just stop trying and just let it be. I am so tired. Mentally, emotionally and it tells physically.

God, if you're there, please help me. I beg you. I really do. I can't do this or anything anymore and we pray, I pray. I'm not perfect. I do crappy things that most likely annoy you lots. I won't come to you and say, but A does that and you still bless her/him, I don't and you don't bless me. I won't, but I can't help but think so. Family's at breaking point. I am at breaking point and I'm trying to be strong and I'm tired of trying to pack it in and not complain and be happy and strong especially when I can't see the supposed light at the end of the tunnel. Make a way for us Lord. Make a way for me. Fix all that need to be fixed please because after all is said and done, no matter how much I find it hard to believe now, and no matter how much I keep busy and read and play games or listen to music or go out and talk to lots of people for hours on end to help me 'escape' my reality, I have no one else to turn to literally. NO ONE. So I'm asking you if you're listening to me and seeing my and our tears to please help me/us. Help us in Jesus name. Amen.


  1. So i felt this way a couple of days ago...

    the Bible says 'i will never leave you nor forsake you'

    Never means never, not if you are bad, not if you aren't all that, NEVER!

    God has you, always. hang in there, help is on its way.

    1. Thanks for that reminder. It is very easy to forget that never means NEVER.

      Amen. Thanks very much :-)

  2. Your observations are mostly based on material wealth and truth is, there are those who can't afford the gliiterry life yet are happy. That's not to say every rich person isn't happy.

    Does God have a plan for us? He'd like us all to be with Him in Heaven at the end of days is what I believe 'the plan' is... but it is up to us (freewill) to want that eternal life rather than eternal damnation.

  3. I won't go as far as saying that my observations are mostly based on material things. There are other family issues, education and more family issues and some other things. Yes, material wealth is inclusive (who doesn't need more money eh?), but relatively minute in comparison with other issues that I have named and others I feel are too private to talk about now.

    I know that about God's plan. I totally believe God wouldn't want me in hell and it's up to me to accept His salvation, however, Romans 9 seems to be a tad bit contradictory. God will help me to read and understand it the way He meant it to be understood. Thanks for your input though. Much appreciated :-)

  4. First time commenting. Thanks for following my blog. x

    Interesting post and I guess I feel the need to say alot of things lol but I dont have all the answers nobody does because we are all on a journey. I will say this though, life is dynamic, its has its ups, downs, good, bad, ugly, great, and so on etc.Nobody has it easy and nobdoy ever does, some situations might be severe than others and some might be manageable. Whatever the circumstance, I think life is what we make it. Looking to anybody or anyone doesn't help at all, because we dont know the intentions of men and their means of acquiring whatever it is they have or how they perceive their future. Its good to be grateful for our situation because its our story, its part of what builds us up. Besides, there are other people that are far worse and they are still grateful.

    What I do know is? God isn't fazed by anything as we humans. He is SPIRIT and SUPREME above all things yet he seeks to bless us and empower us if we draw to him. Does drawing to God mean everything will be great? NOPE, far from it but it means we have grace and we have a testimony.

    What am I saying? You will get through whatever your are facing, you will learn from it and your situation will prepare you for another ahead but you will have a lot to be grateful for. WHY? You are a living testimony to inspire someone and a situation.

    Whatever the case, you will not be the first or the last person to feel this way. In time, you will find your rhythm and be rest assured most people have a story to share.

    On the note of heaven and hell? The bible says each man should work out his own salvation with fear and trembling. Philippians 2:12. The bible makes us understand, the works of our hands will be judged. I'd say we all have a choice and a part to play. God has the ultimate decision but we should look to his words and believe in it. Next time, I'd say bring the bible you and your sis can dissect the words together inviting the holyspirit for intervention.xxxx

    Abeg pardon the LONG ESSAY o. Kia. coversface. x


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