I have been pretty much a loner most of my life and I've been fine with it, but as much as I love talking and thinking things through in my head, there there have been periods when I've wanted or needed someone to talk to. I'm glad I have a sort of mentor like figure in my life to whom I e-mail pages after pages of the going ons in my life-the good and not so good.
I have been wary of calling just anyone my friend. Friendship to me is a biggie. When I call someone my friend, I mean it. It is a commitment and one I take seriously. However, I have realised that it is better to be alone than have crappy 'friends'. I'm the classic example of burnt once, twice shy.
Anyway, it saddens me when I see/hear people slander, belittle and tear their apparent friend to pieces. My sister's flatmate apparently has been acting up and I find it weird that they're always loving each other up, declaring their love and whatnot on facebook and when they talk to each other, and then been bitchy the next minute and having these fights that make no sense whatsoever. It's horrid. I told my sister that she needs to start making real friends and these people she hangs out with are not friends. I was quite shocked when she said, 'I know'. Apparently, she knows who her real friends are, but only hangs out with the people she does because they are fun and some other reasons that make no sense to me. Then again, I can't say I really understand how and why my sister does what she does sometimes. She says I think too 'straightforward' to understand.*shrug* I told her that I was worried for her and the whole big sister talk and she said I should stop worrying and that she knows how to handle her flatmate. Doesn't stop me from worrying though.
I worry so much for my siblings and even my parents. SMH.
Anyhoo, I firmly believe that in friendship and their importance, but when a friendship or any relationship becomes toxic, then I don't see why there should be any hesistation in walking away. Friends are to add to you and vice versa. Friendship should be joyous. Not necessarily all the time, but you should think of your friend and smile not be angry or sad or have negative thoughts.
Five Characteristics of a Close (True) Friend
- A close friend rejoices in your joys and sorrows over your pains. A true friend is not just sympathetic, they are empathetic. They share your feelings, weeping with you when you weep and rejoicing with you when you rejoice.
- A close friend won’t defriend you if you disagree. Friendships are tested when there is a disagreement. But true friends don’t cut you off because of it. They may tell you what they think you need to hear and vice versa. But they will do it in such a way where you can receive it. The reason is because you know they love you unconditionally more than they love their views.
- A close friend stays in regular contact with you. I have friends who contact me from time to time and vice versa (once or twice a year). We regard each other as good friends. But a close friend this doth not make. Close friends communicate fairly regularly.
- A close friend is someone whom you trust implicitly. They have earned your trust. Consequently, you don’t doubt that they have your back. And you don’t fear that they will stab you in the back. You trust them enough to confide in them about highly private and confidential matters. Close friendship brings with it disclosure (John 15:15).
- A close friend will stand by you, defend you, even take a bullet for you when you’re under attack. To my mind, this is perhaps the highest measure of friendship or one of the rock-bottom “tests.” The posture of a true friend is, “If you hurt my friend, you’ve hurt me.” It is never, “Well, that person never did anything to hurt me, so it’s not my issue.” This attitude is what separates goats from black sheep. True friends stand with and stand up for each other. http://frankviola.org/2012/03/26/whatmakesatruefriend/